Jokes Page

Page 6

Currently on sale in the Millwall shop:

MILLWALL TABLECLOTHS - Suitable for any occasion but tend to slip down the table after a short time - £4:99

MILLWALL VIDEOS - All the highlights from the last 20 years action. This 10 min video, including lots of re-runs, is a perfect gift for any fan - £9:99

MILLWALL BANNERS - Come complete with interchangeable slogans Eg: - "BOWRY OUT", "BURR OUT", "NEWMAN OUT", "LET ME OUT" etc. - £15:00

"OUR LITTLE HERO" KEYRINGS - Come complete with model of Alan Gilzean (Our Hero) attached. - £0.50p each.

MILLWALL JOKE BOOK - A MUST for all fans. This 900 page book is full of all the best jokes ever told about the club. - £25:00

MILLWALL CONDOMS - Come in sizes from "Little Hero" to "BIG SADLIER". Ideal for the pricks in the South Stand. - £0:75p for life-time's supply. (3)

MILLWALL BRA - One for the ladies. This bra, in team colours, comes with good support but no cups- £14:99

KEEPER'S GLOVE - A must for any fans at the back of the stand, or near the corner flags to catch any shots our lads may have at goal. £8:99

LEAGUE DIRECTORY - An item for the more discerning fan. This quality publication gives detailed directions to every 'Div 2 Nationwide' League Ground in the country. A snip at just £25:00

MILLWALL LIPSTICK - Ideal for kissing goodbye. (To the play-offs, as worn by our players) £0:99p each

BARGAIN BASEMENT - Don't miss the annual clearance sale of players. These come in all ages, (many are free of charge, spares or repairs).

Q: What do you do if you find a Millwall fan staggering around in your kitchen?

A: Re-load !!!

Sent in by Stewart Mann

David Beckham decides to try horseback riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience. He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace as Posh stands back in admiration, but then he begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, he grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slippingrider.

Finally, he gives up his frail grasp and he attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup, now he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground over and over.

Posh stands there frantic, unable to do anything to help as his head is battered against the ground. He is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to his great fortune.....

The Sainsbury's security guard sees him, leans over, and unplugs the horse.

A spacecraft full of aliens lands at the Den and as soon as the occupants get out of the ship they all die, why? No atmosphere.

A Millwall fan out walking in the countryside passes an orchard with a sign outside saying apples for sale. He sees the owner leaning on a gate and asks "How much are the apples?"

"As many as you can pick for a fiver, "comes the reply.

"Great, " he says. "I'll have ten quids' worth."

A source inside Camelot has revealed that a man from Brighton was a recent lottery winner.

The lucky man was delighted to announce that he had spent his winnings on a new player for his beloved Brighton.

He said: "If my three numbers come up and win me a tenner again, I'll gladly buy them another!"

Q How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and the manager to say that if the ref had done his job in the first place the light bulb would never have gone out.

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