Holloway's best Palace quotes

November 4 2013

Ian Holloway

Ian Holloway spent less than a year in charge at Crystal Palace but left us with plenty of comic wisdom.

We had our Christmas party at Crystal Palace during the week – and I am happy to report that my directors didn’t ask me to copy Blackburn boss Henning Berg by dressing up to do a song and dance routine. - December 2012
I’ve got four lovely horses and I would have a terrible problem eating horsemeat - March 2013
I accepted the Football Association’s charge of improper conduct and paid a £2,000 fine. In fact, my behaviour cost me a grand total of £2,012 — because I also had to pay a £12 ‘fine’ to my wife Kim after initially telling her that I hadn’t sworn at the ref. - March 2013
We need to tweak the nose of fear and stick an ice cube down the vest of terror. - April 2013
This is a feather in our cap. It's there in our pocket. - May 2013
They said I lost the changing room. I know where it is, it's down the corridor on the left. - May 2013
I'll keep signing him till he's nearly 50 or 60 if he keeps putting the ball in the net. - May 2013
I'm just glad I didn't completely muck it up. - May 2013
I’m just trying to talk in a way so people don’t think I’m funny any more, I’m fed up with that. I’m not a comedian, I’m a football manager. - August 2013
I’ve realised I’m hideously ugly when I don’t get what I want. My dad said to me years ago, ‘What’s the point in arguing?’ I wish I was more like Bjorn Borg – but I’m probably more like John McEnroe in temperament, but not in skill. - August 2013
My players need to run and make runs. - September 2013
Let's hope me and the players can have a decent marriage. - September 2013
I would like to keep my money in my pocket and pay for my other daughter’s wedding next summer. Come to the pub and I will tell you exactly what I feel. I can’t make anything of it because my opinion doesn’t count. I’ve realised that now. - September 2013
I haven’t had Sky installed at home yet so I went to watch Swansea play Liverpool in a Crystal Palace pub. - September 2013
As a father I’ve been tough at times - I took my son’s four things he loved in his bedroom once. He had to behave himself to get them back, one a month. He was 13 and was misbehaving in class at school and wasn’t fulfilling his ability. My dad wouldn’t have put up with that. I think it was his music centre, television, games console and a Nintendo Gameboy. How harsh am I? But how bad was that for me at 50 years old? To be detached at Man United - did I deserve it? My wife will tell you I did. - September 2013
I’m not nice when I don’t get what I want. But my mum would have washed my mouth if she had seen what the officials wrote down from what I said to them after Spurs. I’ve eaten a bar of soap before and then I swear like a trooper! - September 2013
We will have to be slightly different away from home, but part of our game is drawing teams onto us and then knocking them out with a (sucker) punch. I don't think we are going to be a Sugar Ray Leonard, I think we are going to be more of a Muhammad Ali against Joe Frasier (rope-a-dope in the 1974 Rumble in the Jungle). - September 2013
It's very rare I get down. You can put too much emphasis on the wrong things. I've a great friend I talk to who is a farmer. Some of the things he has to do, something breaks and he fixes them. It's just amazing. Sometimes you learn from people in other walks of life. - September 2013
So what does the future bring for Ian Holloway? Well, I’ve only been out of football for a few days, but I already feel like a man who has been stranded on a desert island. As the character played by Tom Hanks in the film Castaway said: “I’ll just wait to see what the tide brings in." - October 2013