January 3 2007

Simon Jordan

Love him or hate him, Simon Jordan always has something interesting to say and here are some of his best quotes.

Agents are scum. They're evil, divisive and pointless. They only survive because the rest of the sport is so corrupt and because leading football club people employ their sons in the job.

I'm not going to drag it out or make a point, because points are pointless.

I'd f***ing strangle him [Craig Bellamy] with his own tongue.

I had an Aston Martin phone worth £15,000 given to me as a present. I dropped it in a gin and tonic about 15 seconds after opening it.

What does Everton chairman Bill Kenwright think he will get for £6m? Andy Johnson's trainers.

If Andy doesn't like it he can throw his toys out of the pram, but will that really help his England chances? I don't think so.

I can't even stand the sight of seeing him [Julian Gray] after everything I've done for the kid. I've looked after him and his family ever since he signed for the club and then he treats me with utter contempt.

I'd rather support Millwall than sell Andy Johnson.

Even if I built a 50,000 seat stadium and bought Ronaldinho there'd still be complaints about crap hot dogs

[Charlton's] fans revelled in it, abused us and even did the bloody conga. In retrospect, of course I regret calling them morons. Imbeciles would have been more appropriate.

I'm no respecter of tradition and I have no time for the Manchester Uniteds and Arsenals of this world. There’s nothing to admire in these clubs. They're just bullshit worlds full of bullshit people.

Charlton have a cheap matchday coach service that goes out into Kent to nick Gillingham fans - that's pretty clever. We might start sending a coach to Brighton.

Dave Bassett has said he could not work with me and he is right. He is a dinosaur whose time has gone

In terms of the credibility the papers have in dressing rooms, I've had players arguing their worth based on the marks out of 10 they get in The Sun.

I don’t give a f*** about football protocol and the other club owners. They want me to sit and have lunch before the games. F*** that. I don’t go to football to drink chardonnay in the boardrooms with those tossers. I go to win games. I don’t have anything in common with 90% of football club chairmen. They don't interest me.

Birmingham - my favourite club, full of my favourite people.

My problems with Birmingham started when I went into the boardroom at St Andrew’s and David Sullivan [the co- owner of the Coca-Cola Championship leaders] came up to me and said: ‘Simon, I have known you for a few years but you keep yourself to yourself. Are you gay?’

There were times he [Ron Noades] got so far up my nose I could feel his boots on my chin.

I think he thinks he's sold it to some property developers. It was not a false front, someone else goes and buys it for me and I buy it from them. I realise the first bird s*** that falls on the Holmesdale Stand will be mine to clear up.

Without being arrogant, I am probably the highest-profile club chairman in the country. Whether it is because I am young or I fight causes or I have a big mouth or I date silly girls, I don’t know.

In some ways I admire football fans because in what other business can you serve up crap and then have people come back for more?

If I was Alan Pardew I would go back down to the West Ham training ground with an AK-47 and say thanks a lot lads.

(Getting his chequebook out in the transfer window) I could do with a new Ferrari...

I don’t enjoy seeing anyone struggle because I think that if you wish ill on people then it comes back on you. I don’t wish relegation on Charlton, I don’t wish anything on Charlton - I have a level of disinterest.

I have no problems with Steve Bruce, I like him a lot. I just have an issue with the imbeciles he works for.

[On Birmingham's David Sullivan and David Gold] I think they are disingenuous. The ethics with which they do business, I don't appreciate. I have had enough dealings with them to be able to have that view. Am I surprised? They sell dildos for a living. That gives you a judgement on what they may or may not be.

I think in life you get what you deserve. Despite my distaste for the owners, I don't wish any club bad luck. If Birmingham go down, am I going to shed a tear? No. Because the best thing about Birmingham is the road out.

David Dein is the kind of person who will do you favours that you just don't want. Every time I see David Dein at a social event he has got a player for me who has probably got one leg and he will do me a favour by letting me have him for twice the price.

I see other club's chairmen as the enemy. I want to go in there and beat them up. Some of them like Sullivan I would like to do that to.

Neil Warnock quotes

Alan Smith quotes