11/07/05

Brighton manager Mark McGhee promises Brighton fans a successful season, stating that himself, the squad and the board are hoping for 19th spot this season. The fans show their delight by chanting McGhee's name outside their athletics track stadium.

12/07/05

McGhee and his players travel up to Worthing for their first pre-season game of the season. Brighton's flamboyant defender Kevin Mayo decides to lift the spirits of the players on the coach by singing "oki-cokey" all the way up. McGhee promises Mayo the captains armband for tomorrows game, as an award for uplifting the players. Leon Knight stays up till the early hours of the morning at the hotel bar, telling team mate Guy Butters how he misses his days as a Chelsea reserve player.

13/07/05

Brighton pull off their result of the decade as they beat Worthing 4-3 at their ground. Brighton's up an coming 29 year old Colin Kazim-Richards nets 2, and dedicates his goals to the 2 Brighton fans that made the journey up.
Mark McGhee states at the post match press confrence that on Brighton's day, they can beat Real Madrid. Board are delighted by these comments.

14/07/05

Squad travels back down south. McGhee gives players the day off trainning. Board pay for players to have free donkey rides at the beach as a well done for yesterdays result.
Club anounce new kit sponsors for the coming season, called "Skint". Chairman states that these sponsors show how this club is looking to the future.

15/07/05

McGhee at the pre-match confrence before their second big friendly against Ryman league team St Albans, announces that he plans to scrap the entire youth system of Brighton. Chairman states as well, he cant afford to pay any youth players, as most of the money has gone to Leon Knight's wages.
Fans turn up at Brighton club shop for the launch of their new kit, expecting a few players there to sign autographs. No one there and kit hasn't arrived yet, due to club forgeting to pay for delivery of it.

16/07/05

Brighton pull off another miracle result with a fantastic 0-0 draw at home to St Albans. All Brighton's gay fans start chanting McGhee's name. Leon Knight though gets sent off for chucking a Jack Daniels bottle into the St Albans fans.

17/07/05

McGhee gives players the day off again. The club announce that they are looking into signing Figo, but have not had contact from his agent. McGhee announces "I have sent a text to Figo's agent, but no one has come back to me at the moment. Might send another text later, but need to top up my phone first". Brighton fans start buying fake Portugal tops with Figo's name at the back.

18/07/05

Brighton today announced their buy 1 ticket get 4 free, as to try and attract crowds to their athletics track for this season. Mark McGhee says at a press confrence, "we want the fans to know that this club wants as many people as possible to come to games". Asked by a reporter, wont that affect revenue, McGhee replies that if that starts to happen, the club will deal with it in their own way.

19/07/05

Right back Adan Hinshelwood celebrates his birthday today by receiving a stick of Rock from every squad member. Unable to carry them on the coach for the trip to tomorrows opponents Bognor Regis, Hinshelwood has to stay behind to train by himself for the next couple of days. Mayo, hoping to keep the captains armband, sings "wheels on the bus go round and round" to the rest of the players.

20/07/05

Leon Knight's brace in Brighton's 2-0 win against Bognor Regis was not the news of year today. Legend Adam Virgo was today transfered to Celtic for £1.5 million, making this the record amount of money ever seen in Brighton's bank account. This was also only the second time a club higher then League Two has brought a player from them. Not since Lord Zamorra has this happened.
Leon Knight refused to get on the coach back home as he was disgusted that no one was talking about his MOTM performance.

21/07/05

The club announce today that they have received a call from Figo's agent. The club states that Figo's agent would like to say thank you from his client for the clubs interest, but he feels that Brighton would be a million steps down the playing ladder for him.
McGhee states that the club never really wanted him in the first place. Fans annoyed with McGhee for this comment as they had spent money on Figo Portugal shirts.

22/07/05

Mayo is unable to make the trip for the next preseason match against Colchester United. The club physio Toby Pennyfather states that Mayo has a problem with his right knee and needs to be treted by his magical hands.

23/07/05

The club gain a respectiful defeat away to Colchester United, losing 5-2. Minor problem in the fact that they forgot to bring their kitman up with them, so they played bare-chested for the game. McGhee states at an after match press confrence, "I take the blame for the kit, had a row with the Mrs last night, now she needs to have an abortion".

24/07/05

McGhee gives the players the day off today. Shirts finally arrive at the club shop though the name of the team is spelt Briton on the team badge. McGhee says that he'll use a felttip for each shirt to change it for the fans.

25/07/05

Brighton today announced they would be interested in signing Andrew Johnson from rivals Crystal Palace. Mark McGheee stated "We need a player that can partner Leon Knight on the pitch, and look after him off the pitch. I hear that Johnson is a good role model, well we have a role for him here". Crystal Palace chairman laughed off this rumour while on his £50mill boat with some celebs wife, saying "the closest they'll get to AJ is the steam from his p!ss. HAHAHA"

26/07/05

The board announced today that attendances should look good for this season, with over a dozen tickets sold for their first five home games of the coming season. Obviously fans are grabbing the buy 1 get 4 free tickets with anticipation. One fan, 73 year old Raymond Suktion stated "I'm so excited about this season. We have a....", unfortunately Raymond collapsed with a heart attack from eating too much battered fish.
The squad travel up to Oxford for tomorrows mouthwatering clash against United. McGhee states at pre-match confrence "We lost to them at University Challenge so maybe this time we can get revenge".

27/07/05

The club pulled off a remarkable 4-1 defeat against Oxford United, with Dean Hammond getting Brighton's only goal. McGhee was meant to be using recently released Mark Fish in the starting lineup, but the trialist was not even on the bench. When asked why he was not playing, McGhee stated that he picked up a knock earlier in trainning" Later in the evening, Mark Fish is rumoured to back in London trainning with Charlton again.

28/07/05

The club have let Maheta Molongo go to Lincoln City on loan for a season after the player pleaded with the club to be released. Meanwhile, Sir Alex Fergueson was spotted at Brighton with his wife on the famous Brighton pier. The club announce immedietly that Sir Alex cannot have Leon Knight and that he's not for sale at any price. The club later announce, that they take that comment back and that they would let him go for £500,000. A reporter catches up with Sir Alex later in the day asking if he was in Brighton to scout talentless striker Leon Knight. Sir Alex replies "Who?"

29/07/05

The squad travel along the coast for their final friendly of the season against Bournemouth. New club captain sings another classic of "oh I do like to be beside the seaside" to the rest of the squad. Rumours circulate that another bottle of Jack Daniels is thrown at Mayo from Leon Knight on the coach. Asked at the prematch confrence what happened, McGhee stated that he didn't see anything like that happen. Then asked why Mayo was not on the teamsheet for tomorrows game, McGhee replied "Mayo has a lump on his head".

30/07/05

Brighton re-wrote history yesterday by beating coastal rivals Bournemouth 2-1 for the first time. Goals from Dean Hammond and an own goal esured victory although Bournemoth dominated the whole game. Leon Knight was on the bench speculating rumours that he was being punished for the incident on the coach yesterday. McGhee later announced that he was a little disappointed that no Brighton fans showed up for the game, but he could slightly understand as Big Brother had just released Irish model Orlaith from the house, and even he wanted to stay home and watch E4.

31/07/05

McGhee gives his players the day off so he can travel to Wales with his wife for a trip away. Some of the squad travel to London for a night out on the razz. Leon Knight is spotted at a Chelsea night club with Carlton Cole talking about the good old days in Chelsea's reserves again. Mayo is spotted going into an underground strip club in Soho while midfielder Gary Hart is noticed going to an Irish jig bar in New Cross Gate.

01/08/05

Players turn up for trainning but no sign of Mark McGhee. As club captain, Mayo decides to arrange the training program for today, telling the players that to improve the strength on their weakest foot, they are to hop around the pitch, for 2 hours.
Board try to get in contact with McGhee to find out where he is. Last they heard was he was on a day trip to Wales with the Mrs.

02/08/05

14 squad players call in sick today complaining about their ankles being really bruised. Still no sign of McGhee, so the Chairman calls in Mayo to explain why a record amount of people are off sick. Unfortunately we do not have any evidence of what was said, but Mayo was seen storming out of the club and slamming his Panda door shut before stuttering off.

03/08/05

Club announce disappointment at Andy Johnson signing a new contract with Crystal Palace. Board state that they really thought they were in with a genuine chance of signing the England striker. "I understand our intense rivalry with Palace, but I thought the player could of looked past that and seen we're a club going places".
Police statement comes out that Brighton have filed a missing persons report on Mark McGhee.

04/08/05

McGhee returns to the training ground this morning to be called straight away into the Chairmans office. McGhee later at a press confrence says, "I would like to appologise for my absence this week to everyone associated with Brighton Football Club. My wife wanted us to try tantric while in Wales, and I had no idea how long that lasts for. Missionary is he way forward for me now". Asked weather the club have fined him, McGhee replied thats between the Chairman and his bank manager.
Paul McShane becomes a Brighton player for the season after being loaned out from Man United.

05/08/05

Brighton travelled up to Derby today for their Championship opener against Derby County today. On their way up the A1 McGhee spoted a hitchicker, and ordered the coach driver to stop and pick him up.
McGhee later announces at press confrence, that as of today they had employed someone as their new mascot, Percy The Seagull. "We saw him walking along the motorway, he seemed like a nice chap, and hopefully it will raise the morale of the players for this season".

06/08/05

The season kicked off in style for Brighton with an eye-scratching scoreline of 1-1. Unbelievable scenes as Derby fans threw their tickets on the pitch at such an embarassing result. Derby manager Phil Brown stated, "This result will haunt me, for the rest of my life". All 6 Brighton fans cheered as Dean Hammond opened the scoring with a 1 yard screamer that came off the post. He later stated "I've been practicing those kind of goals for the past 2 seasons, so it was nice to see it come off". McGhee furthered these comments by saying "He's the kind of player all managers dream about. He always puts in an extra 5 minutes into trainning every day".
The sour note of the day, was the embarassing incident of Percy The Seagull who ran on the pitch celebrating with the Derby players once they equalised. Later, the club find out that Percy is a Derby County fan.

07/08/05

The squad travel back down to Brighton today. Mark McGhee thanks the players for their hard work yesterday by giving them all "The History of Brighton the Town" volume 1 in hardback. Leon Knight is disgusted by this gift and pours his Jack Daniels all over the book. Club fine Knight for his actions.

08/08/05

Fans were in double figures as they stumbled onto the High Street for the players open bus tour, to celebrate their magnificent draw away to Derby. Dean Hammond wore a white t-shirt saying "yes I scored that goal". Leon Knight was at the front end of the bus screaming "come on you f**kers" and pouring JD over anyone that they drove by. Unfortunately some fell into a babys pram and smothered the poor lad. Club fine Leon Knight a further 2 weeks wages.

09/08/05

Mark McGhee gets his players ready for Brighton's first home game of the season against ex-manager Steve Coppell's Reading, by making them watch the classic film "Sense and Sensibility" in the changing room before kick-off. McGhee tells his players after the film that it would make sense to play sensibly for 3 points, which was the whole point of the film.
The film had an affect on the players as they were beaten 2-0. The record capacity of 83 saw their players barely stroll around the park as Reading reserve team made mince meat of Brighton.

10/08/05

Mark McGhee called for more ability today after the respectable defeat against Reading. He told the Brighton Times paper, "I put the same formation out as Real Madrid, but yet we still lost, so clearly the players are rubbish. We need more ability". The players appologise to McGhee later at the trainning ground, and all huddle round while Gary Hart plays his guitar, dedicating a song that the team wrote to their gaffer.

11/08/05

Club announce their interest in Michael Owen today. Since their disappointment at not signing Andy Johnson, McGhee has been on the hunt for a quality striker to partner their starlet Leon Knight. Chairman states, "we have got in contact with Real Madrid, but are having problem understanding what they are saying. We'll contact them again when we find someone that speaks Portugese".
Chris McPhee joins Aldershot on a one months loan for his incredible performances in training.

12/08/05

6 season tickets were sold today at the news of Michael Owen possibly coming to Brighton. McGhee gets his players ready for tomorrows mouth-watering tie against Crewe. The players do a light kick around followed by a 18 mile run around the town. McGhee states "I'll have the players fit and ready for the game. Crewe should be our first 3 points of the season I'll bet my pet dog on it". Journalist from The Sun takes him up on that bet.

13/08/05

Another record turn out of 126 people showed up for the terrific result of 2-2 against crewe. Leon Knight opened the scoring with an incredible rebound off the back of his right arm. Crewe were furious thinking the decision should of been hand ball. Crewe pulled a goal back and then went ahead with some fantastic passing display, but Dean Hammond equalised with a few minutes spare with a 2 yard miss pass which ended in the net.
Game was unfortunately spoiled by the fact that Brighton Harriers had an athletics match the same time, which many times confused the drunken Leon Knight.

14/08/05

McGhee states to the press that he was disappointed at the fact that Brighton did not win yesterdays game. "We had 2 chances and put them away but we need to stop letting in goals. I will tell the players tomorrow in trainnig thats what they need to do". Board delighted by comments, and offer McGhee a 30 year contract, which McGhee signs with pleasure.
Disappointment though in the Michael Owen saga, as the chairman finds out that Real Madrid are infact a Spanish club and their £450 p/h Portugese translator was a waste of time. The board say they'll find a translator soon.

15/08/05

McGhee was seen today at a local Ladbrokes, putting a £20,000 bet on Brighton winning promotion to the Premiership. McGhee later quoted "At 5000/1, I could be putting a lot of money back into the club for signings. Plus, I've always wanted like a red carpet leading from the dressing room, to my seat at the dugout".
Richard Carpenter could not make trainning today as he was at a Jurgen Klinsmann look-a-like contest.

16/08/05

The board announced today they were making steady progress in the Michael Owen front. The chairman stated "We have found a Spanish interpreter, and he has stated to Real Madrid that Brighton would like to sign Michael. We have been asked by the club how much we are offering, so at the moment it has been left like that".
Mark McGhee told the players that if Owen arrives then the whole play will be based around him.

17/08/05

Leon Knight went public today about his feelings towards Michael Owen coming to Brighton. The Brighton starlet was quoted saying "yo bruv, if we want to sign a player like that then thats aiit, but I aint playin no second fiddle to nobody, you get me. I'm Leon Knight bruv. I'm the biggest shirt seller since the days of Zamorra, you get me. I was told by Graeme Le Saux when I was at the Chelsea, that my right foot is as good as his. So Owen better not be coming here thinking he's all that cause he's some nobody from Real Madrid, you get me".

18/08/05

Reports coming out from Madrid say that only 3 clubs are interested in their starlet. Liverpool, Newcastle United and Brighton. Though Brighton are the only club yet to make an offer. Sources at Brighton though are struggling to find any cash possible for the signing of Owen. The chairman stated, "we have put the floodlights up for sale, but no body yet wants to purchase our 90 foot lighting system".
The box office announce that they have cut the ticket prices for the away trip to Hull on Saturday from £25 to a fiver as no tickets had yet been sold.

19/08/05

The squad travel up to Hull for the Championship game against Hull City. Brighton, who have yet to win a game this season, will stay at Hull camping site, as to save money for the big transfer. "Well it's a change innit" said club captain Mayo. "Last time I was in a camping site, my Mrs and I though it be funny to play hide n seek with the local sheep. 1997 that was, and I think it was in Devon. Aaaagghhh... fond memories". Leon Knight was seen pouring JD on his tent and setting it alight in annoyance that he had to sleep in a tent. "Never would of f#cking happened at Chelsea" blurted the starlet.
Meanwhile, ticket sales are still looking grim as 1 ticket has been sold.

20/08/05

Brighton kept up their fantastic winless streak by losing to Hull 2-0. Goals in either half sealed the game as Brighton were run round the park like animals. Dean Hammond came close with a pass into the oppositions half. Mark McGhee was satisfied with the result though, and at the after match press confrence he stated, "last season Hull finished 2nd, so to come here and lose by only 2 was not that bad for us". When reminded that Hull were actually a league below last season by a fellow reporter, McGhee responded by telling the reporter to shut up.

21/08/05

The squad travelled back home today, feeling a little down after yesterdays result. McGhee tried to resolve this by putting on Titanic for the coach journey back home. He later stated that he did this to point out that if Rose can survive that disaster, then Brighton can survive this league.
The board announce that they are at a financial loss of £2million this month.

22/08/05

Lights, camera, action was the call out today, as Miss Brighton (real name Tamatha Pebbles) was posing for the new fish n chip van outside the ground along with Mark McGhee. Dean Hammond was also there to sign a couple of autographs for the 3 young fans that showed up. Hammond later that afternoon stated "I love kids".
The squad travelled up to Shrewsbury in the evening for the beginning of what will hopefully be a glorious cup run.

23/08/05

Brighton's cup run ended as they were beaten in the 1st round to Shrewsbury Town 3-2 after extra time. The lowest crowd ever recorded at Shrewsbury witnessed a goal fested game, with the league 2 side coming out victors. McGhee later stated at the post match confrence, "Well we rested our 1st choice left back, so it was always going to be close. But I aim to get to the 2nd round next season, dont you worry".

24/08/05

Brighton's hopes of signing Michael Owen were dealt a blow, as the England striker stated his preference to go elsewhere.
"We're still hopeful," said McGhee. "He wants a permanent move to Liverpool, and would settle for a year's loan at Newcastle, so we're wondering if he'd come to our training ground for the afternoon. I know the lads would love to get his autograph, and Pauline the cleaning lady said she'd bake a cake." McGhee could not confirm the size of the cake being offered to Owen. "I'll leave that side of things up to the chairman. I'm a football man, not a businessman. Or a baker."

25/08/05

Mark McGhee's search for a striker continued today, with an enquiry about Wayne Andrews future at Crystal Palace. With Crystal Palace tieing up the knot on the Clinton Morrison deal, it would seem that Andrews is now down the pecking order. McGhee quoted "we need a striker who can score". Andrews was unavailable for comment.

26/08/08

The squad travelled up to Preston to continue their impressive run in the league. The squad had a light work out on a trampoline, before 15 ball boys went behind the goal for shooting practice. Leon Knight gives one of the ball boys a signed bottle of Jack Daniels.

27/08/05

Brighton achieved the impossible today. A 0-0 draw at Preston was greeted with wild celebrations from the players and fans. The chairman came into the dressing room after the game, and joined the players in the players tub in celebration. "We knew we couldn't match Preston physically, especially after the long journey up here," said McGhee at the press confrence. "So we played it clever, by letting them attack and hoping to god nothing went in. It worked. Case closed."

28/05/05

The squad travelled back down early so they could get a light practice in before tomorrows Bank Holiday game against their mighty coast rivals Plymouth Argle. A fan outside the ground couldn't hold his excitement in. "Its the battle of the coast. We want the rest of all the coastal football clubs in the world to know that we are the best. Beating Plymouth will prove this".

Brighton Diaries!! - Voted funniest thread 2005/06

ALLEZ LA BLEU!!! and red

I still can't get my head around how good these are Well done dowie 101, keep it up mate!!!

AJAS:Member #12
Politically incorrect but so what.

Thats a lot of time devoted to us mucker !!
Keep it up, but you should get out whilst the sun is shining.
Save your scribbles for the rainy days,quite entertaining though !!

The Seagull Has Landed

I'll tell you what!

Being exiled, it's great to read such stuff.It is a reminder of the humour that surrounds football and rivalry.(especially Palace and Brighton).
Please on behalf of all us exiled Palce fans.....KEEP IT UP!!!!

Bring back The HF!

Simply Outstanding. Pure genius. Love your work dowie101.

PALACE FEVER

Fantastic!

Love the SJ comment about AJ's piss, and this "All 6 Brighton fans cheered as Dean Hammond opened the scoring with a 1 yard screamer that came off the post."

Genius!

Enough of these mothafuckin' snakes on this mothafuckin' plane!
~Formerly Booze Eagle~