My wife got me nothing as "you're a drunken fool who's ruined my life". I've been off alcohol since Dec 11 2020.

I got my wife an ornamental metal pig for £30 on ebay. Not only does she like it, but I've seen exactly the same pig on ebay , now for £65-£95. Seems I got a bargain, and the wife can check to see is it was "expensive enough"

My best present was a card from an old school friend, reminiscing about the stuff we did in our teens, and suggesting a few beers in 2021.

Next was an Indy 500 Baseball cap from 1994. A replacement, because I lost my original when I left it in the boot of a car I sold in 1995.

I disengage, I turn the page.

That's a bit harsh. So did you stop after she said this? If so there was plenty of shopping days that she could have gone online and got you something.
I think you should tell her that people on HOL arn't happy about her behavior!!

Following Palace since 25 Feb 1978

The best I have to say is a palace coat, it’s really comfortable and warm, shame about the palace badge really. I might have to see if I can pick that off if we lose to Sheffield on Saturday

The worst was a couple of jars of apricot chutney from my mother in law. I made the mistake of telling her I liked it back in the summer and now I could open my own market stall I’ve got so much

I was given some nice malt whiskey's to replace some recently diminished stock.
The worst was some not so nice chutney that looks as though it would be better of used as a household drain cleaner than being served as a cracking accompaniment to some decent cheese!
Like Monkey all from making a comment at the wrong time! So I get the same every year. To late to tell them now isn't it?

Pierre mate, you’re a genius, thanks for the tip

We feed a squirrel and named him/her Dorey.
Buries tons of them but cant seem to remember where, 10 minutes later