This is like asking which guy you'd be happy to watch shagging your wife

Well it would need to be a huge club, with European potential, fanatical fans, phenomenal infrastructure and where he'd really be appreciated....Brighton.

Bexley Dave

Can you hear the Brighton sing? I can't hear a ******* thing!

"The most arrogant, obnoxious bunch of deluded little sun tanned, loafer wearing mummy's boys I've ever had the misfortune of having to listen to" (Burnley forum)

I've heard that she's saying the same

Bexley Dave

Can you hear the Brighton sing? I can't hear a ******* thing!

"The most arrogant, obnoxious bunch of deluded little sun tanned, loafer wearing mummy's boys I've ever had the misfortune of having to listen to" (Burnley forum)

Bit unoriginal but Barcelona. I reckon he could fill the Neymar void and he'd improve no end. Their style of football would fit his to a tee.

Plus, he'd still be playing in red and blue (well if you squint )

Failing that, real Madrid, they'd probably have to shift Bale or one of their other attackers though.

In terms of English clubs, man city would probably be the best fit unfortunately.

We're all beginning to understand how massive they are. They will be pleased and smug.

COYP

Wilfred Zaha should never go anywhere outside the borough of Croydon.

There used to be a team called Croydon Amateurs, that played at South Norwood Rec, (or whatever that place was called off Portland Road)

He could play for them.

But he must never be allowed to leave. We must guard him with our lives.

He's our Ark of The Covenant.

We must begin building traps for anyone agents that try to breach our defences.

Does anyone know where we can get a giant, perfectly round rock, and a tunnel along which it could run.

Also, we will need a set of walls with pointy bits, that gradually close in on any agent that gets trap inside the room.