My tales of failure are fairly limited, mainly because I've not got into a position to fail very often

One girl at the youth club I used to go to was a target for pretty much every bloke there, and she knew it too. I eventually plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she told me that she couldn't because she'd already agreed to go out with another boy. When I saw him I told him what a lucky b****** he was that she'd agreed to go out with him, at which he looked most surprised and told me he'd not even asked her out! She ended up stuck with him for nearly a month!!

Another one is the classic 'no condom' story - after a party I'd ended up in the sack with a friend of a friend. After a bit of fondling I was all set to take the plunge, when she said "not without a condom". Unfortunately for me, they were in very short supply (ie non-existent) so I went without that night

After another party I ended up in bed with another friend of a friend who gave me a blow-job, after which I fell asleep (as you do). I didn't see her again, but her friend told me that she'd have been happy to go out with me again if I'd reciprocated, and also let slip that she was bisexual so I probably missed out on a threesome as well

And finally, while at college I went out for a while with a girl who was a bit of a nympho. Having been to the pub with her and friends I drove her home, where she invited me in for coffee. Since I don't drink coffee I declined, and it was only as I reached home that I realised that coffee almost certainly wasn't the only thing that had been on offer

Edited by Mr Statto (22 Jul 2009 2:28pm)

That's just the ramblings of a madman

Where's the nescafe shaker when you need it.

I know you are but what am I?

It's ok, I shagged her plenty of other times (and in plenty of other places too - she was a bit of a dirty hoor!)

That's just the ramblings of a madman

I can't think of any time I've been succesful really. If it's a sure thing I'll fcuk it (up)

too far gone.. aint no way back

this post was sponsored by fubar.com

As promised,DRT:
when I was inbetween 1st & present wife, I used to flat share with a mate, but also several others would use my flat as club 18-30 at the weekend.
The worst offender was my greek mate(nicos) who still lived at home,even though he was weell into his late 20's.
Not content with useing my gaff as a beer-pit and shag den every weekend,he was always after'peeps' as he called it,which was peeping on me or Dave shagging the weekends lucky lady.
Being greek, nic was arse fixated and had several 'accidents' before the worse one.
He was shagging an Irish bird(in my kitchen,from behind.cooking oil was involved) he claimed he slipped and the wholesausage shot up the girls arse.She turned around and blacked his eye for him,with one tysonesque blow.
Next weekend he pulled a very mature barmaid and went back to Addo with her.
In return for bumming her,he agreed to be tied up(fool)
Next day he met me in the cherries looking sheepish.Once tied up,she'd got out a large dildo and returned the favour.
The final f*** up,was his peeps wish.
I pulled a girl with a fantastic large arse one night,as he was kipping at mine that night and I only fancied it as a one off, I agreed the bedroom door would be left well ajar.
He pretended to be sleeping on the sofa and me & her went straight to my room.
With her big arse,I went straight for doggy stlyee,keeping her head stuffed in the pillows.
Immediatly nicos was at the bedroom door,giving 'stage instructions'.
Nicos looks like Bernie Winters and can be very off putting.
The bed was only a foot or so away from the door and next thing,hes got his todger out,pulling it.
I thought he was only mucking about,but within seconds he let loose a rocket of harry munk,allover the back of her head.The b******.
She went ape-s***,leaving the flat cursing both of us.
No more peeps were ever discussed.

Kids,tired of being bothered by your pesky parents?
Then leave home, get a job & pay your own bills, while you still know everything.

KD that is f*cking hilarious mate. cheers

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''careful Penny - we don't know what we're dealing with here''