In the news today they reckon there is 23 applicants for every job vacancy In the uk And still our hr department takes on t***s..............

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. Well, I have done something about it.
A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some pals and had a few too many whiskeys as well as beers and some rather nice claret; but knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.
I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?

Ferdinand Feghoot was a guest of honour at an awards banquet.

Unfortunately, he was unable to attend the awards banquet, because along the way his Dimensional Extrapolator failed, and when he stepped outside he found himself, not at the convention centre as expected, but in a world occupied by numbers.

Feghoot explored his surroundings curiously. Across the street, a 3/4ths played soccer with an attractive young 5/8ths, while a stern-looking 16/25ths watched in silence. Other numbers slid around the area, screeching about fractions that had recently been halved and screaming about friends' plans to exchange common denominators. The cacophony was so deafening that Feghoot had to plug his ears with his index fingers.

In the sudden silence, he noticed the most amazing thing of all: A decimal point rolled down the road, followed first by one three, then another, then another, then another, creating a very long train of .333333333. Indeed, Feghoot realized, the threes continued out to infinity.

Feghoot unplugged his ears, approached the first three, and said, "Greetings! I'm a visitor from another world, and I must say, I find you fascinating. Are repeating decimals such as yourself common here?"

A mouth on the decimal point opened, closed, and opened again. Feghoot thought he heard a distant scratchy cough, but he couldn't make out any words. Then the decimal point tumbled away down the street, followed by its trail of threes.

"My," said Feghoot, "but that was very rude."

The 16/25ths across the street heard him. She shouted, "What more did you expect?"

Feghoot cringed at the noise and plugged his ears again. "I had hoped he would answer my question," he said.

"But he did!" Her five wobbled in anger. "You just couldn't hear him, for he doesn't speak very loudly."

"Why not? All of the rest of you talk with, ah, rather adequate volume."

"Of course we do," she said, "but then everyone knows that fractions speak louder than thirds."

Aaaaaaaaarghh!

Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.The locals were shouting"PEADOPHILE"and other names at me.Just because she is 21 and i'm 50.It completely ruined our 10th anniversary

If I ever understand Spoonerism I'll heat my cat.

Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.