Women's refuges.

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Women's refuges.

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nickgusset Shizzlehurst 29 Nov 17 5.01pm
Originally posted by cp forever I have read this thread with interest as I ran projects working with women and children (and some men) who were recovering from domestic abuse. I am impressed with the poster who was able to walk away from his violent wife, sadly many women lose their lives when they try to walk away, I think the generally accepted statistic is 2 women a week lose their lives (not per day), children also lose their lives and many are permanently scarred by their experience at the hands of a violent parent. This is a worldwide issue with history in this country that is linked to women's social role and lack of status. The fact is that domestic abuse proliferates and Refuges are a vital part of the protection needed and they struggle to meet the need and I gather one of the issues now is that funding will only be locally found and as it is often very important for women and children to leave their area and not be traceable then it is a worry that the national nature of the Refuge system is thought to be under threat. The need for help for all involved in this destructive human behaviour is very important, children in particular need to be able to recover as does the non abusive parent. It is not really party political and not helpful to deny it's significance for either men or women. A lot of children are misdiagnosed with ADHD when in fact the issue is caused by early childhood trauma, such as being badly beaten or witnessing domestic violence. I've taught and tutored a lot of kids who have gone through this. Many are labelled as just troublemakers, but their needs are complex and not easily dealt with. Like all other subjects we have people dismissing issues without having a clue about them.
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nickgusset

Shizzlehurst 29 Nov 17 5.01pm

Originally posted by cp forever

I have read this thread with interest as I ran projects working with women and children (and some men) who were recovering from domestic abuse. I am impressed with the poster who was able to walk away from his violent wife, sadly many women lose their lives when they try to walk away, I think the generally accepted statistic is 2 women a week lose their lives (not per day), children also lose their lives and many are permanently scarred by their experience at the hands of a violent parent. This is a worldwide issue with history in this country that is linked to women's social role and lack of status. The fact is that domestic abuse proliferates and Refuges are a vital part of the protection needed and they struggle to meet the need and I gather one of the issues now is that funding will only be locally found and as it is often very important for women and children to leave their area and not be traceable then it is a worry that the national nature of the Refuge system is thought to be under threat. The need for help for all involved in this destructive human behaviour is very important, children in particular need to be able to recover as does the non abusive parent. It is not really party political and not helpful to deny it's significance for either men or women.

A lot of children are misdiagnosed with ADHD when in fact the issue is caused by early childhood trauma, such as being badly beaten or witnessing domestic violence. I've taught and tutored a lot of kids who have gone through this. Many are labelled as just troublemakers, but their needs are complex and not easily dealt with.

Like all other subjects we have people dismissing issues without having a clue about them.

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Stuk Top half 29 Nov 17 5.02pm
Originally posted by nickgusset A lot of children are misdiagnosed with ADHD when in fact the issue is caused by early childhood trauma, such as being badly beaten or witnessing domestic violence. I've taught and tutored a lot of kids who have gone through this. Many are labelled as just troublemakers, but their needs are complex and not easily dealt with. Like all other subjects we have people dismissing issues without having a clue about them. Making a massive error in the first post doesn't help. Optimistic as ever
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Stuk

Top half 29 Nov 17 5.02pm

Originally posted by nickgusset

Like all other subjects we have people dismissing issues without having a clue about them.

Making a massive error in the first post doesn't help.

Optimistic as ever

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nickgusset Shizzlehurst 29 Nov 17 5.29pm
Originally posted by Stuk Making a massive error in the first post doesn't help. What that women's refuges are under threat because of changes to housing benefits payments linked to a news article to verify what the thread was about you mean?
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nickgusset

Shizzlehurst 29 Nov 17 5.29pm

Originally posted by Stuk

Making a massive error in the first post doesn't help.

What that women's refuges are under threat because of changes to housing benefits payments linked to a news article to verify what the thread was about you mean?

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kingdowieonthewall Sussex, ex-Cronx. 29 Nov 17 6.09pm
Originally posted by elgrande I have experience of these things on two counts. My father was a f*ing horrible piece of work (alcoholic) piss head who when at home his favourite sport knocking my mum and me and my brother about. A really fed up man ( don't think the war helped,but still no excuse). Anyway when I got to 14 andbbhad shot up,I told him to stop battering my mum,he laughed and went to hit her....I decked him ..he never did it again...he died a couple of years later,and my mum became a different woman. Any way my second wife was very very feisty..she quite often lashed out at me ( often smacking me in the face)....but remembering what my mother went through I never ever laid a hand on her,apart from restraining her arms.....needless to say we got divorced... My brother was physically attacked for years by his c** ex-wife. it only stopped because she left him. she was tiny but a nasty piece of work. Sometimes nothing for 6 months then he'd have a black eye or finger scrapes across his face , tufts of hair missing. my sister warned her off & it stopped for a while then we knew it was on again as you'd not see him. I think the shame was worse than the attacks for him. A mates brother was the opposite, he was a wee thin fella & she was a big lump , I saw him attacked a few times & my mate had to restrain her but we knew was coming for him later. Again he was just humiliated and didn't want any help. I guess its the same either side of the coin. terrible stuff , but I've a horrible idea the mental grind is worse than the violent explosions. the refuge houses are very important. Kids,tired of being bothered by your pesky parents? Then leave home, get a job & pay your own bills, while you still know everything.
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kingdowieonthewall

Sussex, ex-Cronx. 29 Nov 17 6.09pm

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Originally posted by elgrande

I have experience of these things on two counts.
My father was a f***ing horrible piece of work (alcoholic) piss head who when at home his favourite sport knocking my mum and me and my brother about.

A really f***ed up man ( don't think the war helped,but still no excuse).
Anyway when I got to 14 andbbhad shot up,I told him to stop battering my mum,he laughed and went to hit her....I decked him ..he never did it again...he died a couple of years later,and my mum became a different woman.
Any way my second wife was very very feisty..she quite often lashed out at me ( often smacking me in the face)....but remembering what my mother went through I never ever laid a hand on her,apart from restraining her arms.....needless to say we got divorced...

My brother was physically attacked for years by his c*** ex-wife.
it only stopped because she left him.
she was tiny but a nasty piece of work.
Sometimes nothing for 6 months then he'd have a black eye or finger scrapes across his face , tufts of hair missing.
my sister warned her off & it stopped for a while then we knew it was on again as you'd not see him.
I think the shame was worse than the attacks for him.
A mates brother was the opposite, he was a wee thin fella & she was a big lump , I saw him attacked a few times & my mate had to restrain her but we knew was coming for him later.
Again he was just humiliated and didn't want any help.
I guess its the same either side of the coin.
terrible stuff , but I've a horrible idea the mental grind is worse than the violent explosions.
the refuge houses are very important.

Kids,tired of being bothered by your pesky parents?
Then leave home, get a job & pay your own bills, while you still know everything.

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Stirlingsays 29 Nov 17 7.43pm
Behind closed doors eh. It all goes on.....A well brought up person doesn't hit their partner.....but it's not a black and white world. I certainly never have, but my Mum was beaten up in her marriage and it was important to her that it was drilled into me not to hit women. When it comes to serious violence we know that Men are definitely the issue. That's a genetic reality over populations in every type of society. But women are violent domestically...who knows what the real balance is...it probably evens out on the small scale stuff....many males are brought up in a culture where hitting women is frowned upon in the west so you get many relationships where the bloke just takes it and doesn't give it back. They are right to not retaliate...she can't hurt you to the same extent without weapons....better to get out of it if the circle can't be squared. Violent women get called feisty and strong willed....the cultural response to them is different..a drunk woman hitting a bloke on the street is laughed at or ignored...by me also...I had feisty girlfriend in my twenties....She wasn't boring that was for certain...but you don't stay with that sort if you want to remain sane. Unstable hotheads are not good mothers for your children that's for sure. Edited by Stirlingsays (29 Nov 2017 7.46pm) 'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)
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Stirlingsays

29 Nov 17 7.43pm

Behind closed doors eh.

It all goes on.....A well brought up person doesn't hit their partner.....but it's not a black and white world. I certainly never have, but my Mum was beaten up in her marriage and it was important to her that it was drilled into me not to hit women.

When it comes to serious violence we know that Men are definitely the issue. That's a genetic reality over populations in every type of society.

But women are violent domestically...who knows what the real balance is...it probably evens out on the small scale stuff....many males are brought up in a culture where hitting women is frowned upon in the west so you get many relationships where the bloke just takes it and doesn't give it back.

They are right to not retaliate...she can't hurt you to the same extent without weapons....better to get out of it if the circle can't be squared.

Violent women get called feisty and strong willed....the cultural response to them is different..a drunk woman hitting a bloke on the street is laughed at or ignored...by me also...I had feisty girlfriend in my twenties....She wasn't boring that was for certain...but you don't stay with that sort if you want to remain sane.

Unstable hotheads are not good mothers for your children that's for sure.

Edited by Stirlingsays (29 Nov 2017 7.46pm)

'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)

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Brentmiester_General Front line in the battle against t... 29 Nov 17 8.07pm
Originally posted by cb1969 I spent a lot of time in the park Lane one in Croydon mid 70s, I assumed it was voluntary run back then. An interesting place to grow up when you’re 7 Sorry to hear this mate. I help out and remove stuff from some of these places through my business and it breaks my heart whenever I encounter any kids there. "We love you Palace, we f@cking hate Man U, We love you Palace, we hate the brighton too, We love you Palace we play in red 'n' blue, so f@ck you, and you ...
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Brentmiester_General

Front line in the battle against t... 29 Nov 17 8.07pm

Originally posted by cb1969

I spent a lot of time in the park Lane one in Croydon mid 70s, I assumed it was voluntary run back then. An interesting place to grow up when you’re 7

Sorry to hear this mate. I help out and remove stuff from some of these places through my business and it breaks my heart whenever I encounter any kids there.

"We love you Palace, we f@cking hate Man U, We love you Palace, we hate the brighton too, We love you Palace we play in red 'n' blue, so f@ck you, and you ...

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Stuk Top half 29 Nov 17 8.24pm
Originally posted by nickgusset What that women's refuges are under threat because of changes to housing benefits payments linked to a news article to verify what the thread was about you mean? You made the thread. Try reading it. Optimistic as ever
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Stuk

Top half 29 Nov 17 8.24pm

Originally posted by nickgusset

What that women's refuges are under threat because of changes to housing benefits payments linked to a news article to verify what the thread was about you mean?

You made the thread. Try reading it.

Optimistic as ever

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nickgusset Shizzlehurst 29 Nov 17 8.49pm
Originally posted by Stuk You made the thread. Try reading it. Yes I was corrected later in the thread. Now we've got the pedantry out of the way, what are your thoughts about the threats to refuges for abused women? Edited by nickgusset (29 Nov 2017 8.49pm)
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nickgusset

Shizzlehurst 29 Nov 17 8.49pm

Originally posted by Stuk

You made the thread. Try reading it.

Yes I was corrected later in the thread.
Now we've got the pedantry out of the way, what are your thoughts about the threats to refuges for abused women?

Edited by nickgusset (29 Nov 2017 8.49pm)

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cryrst The garden of England 29 Nov 17 9.11pm
Originally posted by nickgusset Often a lifesaver for women escaping domestic violence. At the moment they can pay using housing benefit. That's about to change. [Link] Aside from journalistic licence, the story told here is pretty harrowing. Apparently 2 women a week are murdered by their partner / ex partner. Why is it always the most vulnerable that seem to be hardest hit by 'savings'? Because it's only the hardest hit that need the services provided. It's impossible to qualify an argument nick. They are facts. My wife don't need it Your wife don't need it I'm sure tons of wives don't That goes with all social issues and special services supplied. It's not a bottomless pit of money or do we take from services that are supplied for general issues. Edited by nickgusset (29 Nov 2017 8.47pm)
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cryrst

The garden of England 29 Nov 17 9.11pm

Originally posted by nickgusset

Often a lifesaver for women escaping domestic violence. At the moment they can pay using housing benefit. That's about to change.

[Link]

Aside from journalistic licence, the story told here is pretty harrowing.

Apparently 2 women a week are murdered by their partner / ex partner.

Why is it always the most vulnerable that seem to be hardest hit by 'savings'?

Because it's only the hardest hit that need the services provided. It's impossible to qualify an argument nick.
They are facts.
My wife don't need it
Your wife don't need it
I'm sure tons of wives don't
That goes with all social issues and special services supplied.
It's not a bottomless pit of money or do we take from services that are supplied for general issues.

Edited by nickgusset (29 Nov 2017 8.47pm)

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legaleagle 29 Nov 17 9.20pm
Originally posted by cryrst Thing is...you never know if (if you have one) your daughter might need it down the line..or your son's (if you have one) daughter... There's a lot more domestic violence around (as this thread illustrates) than some might think... The other thing is,it could be diverted from elsewhere.Here's an example from the Daily Telegraph earlier this year...: "MPs will be given a £1,049 pay rise from April which will see their salaries rise to £76,011 while public sector workers face a continued cap". Servants of the public indeed...
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legaleagle

29 Nov 17 9.20pm

Originally posted by cryrst

Thing is...you never know if (if you have one) your daughter might need it down the line..or your son's (if you have one) daughter...

There's a lot more domestic violence around (as this thread illustrates) than some might think...

The other thing is,it could be diverted from elsewhere.Here's an example from the Daily Telegraph earlier this year...:

"MPs will be given a £1,049 pay rise from April which will see their salaries rise to £76,011 while public sector workers face a continued cap".

Servants of the public indeed...

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cryrst The garden of England 29 Nov 17 9.34pm
Originally posted by legaleagle Thing is...you never know if (if you have one) your daughter might need it down the line..or your son's (if you have one) daughter... There's a lot more domestic violence around (as this thread illustrates) than some might think... The other thing is,it could be diverted from elsewhere.Here's an example from the Daily Telegraph earlier this year...: "MPs will be given a £1,049 pay rise from April which will see their salaries rise to £76,011 while public sector workers face a continued cap". Servants of the public indeed... Glad you bought that up I don't think that's enough for the responsibility that they have. Most trades men get within 30 k of that with some effort. I wouldn't do it for 100k I'd be dead in two years. As for public sector a great job they do from cleaners to doctors yes agree. But a cap is a rise at least and pension contribution for their retirement far out ways a private one. Born. Work.get old. Retire.struggle unless state worker. Sad innit.
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cryrst

The garden of England 29 Nov 17 9.34pm

Originally posted by legaleagle

Thing is...you never know if (if you have one) your daughter might need it down the line..or your son's (if you have one) daughter...

There's a lot more domestic violence around (as this thread illustrates) than some might think...

The other thing is,it could be diverted from elsewhere.Here's an example from the Daily Telegraph earlier this year...:

"MPs will be given a £1,049 pay rise from April which will see their salaries rise to £76,011 while public sector workers face a continued cap".

Servants of the public indeed...

Glad you bought that up
I don't think that's enough for the responsibility that they have.
Most trades men get within 30 k of that with some effort.
I wouldn't do it for 100k I'd be dead in two years.
As for public sector a great job they do from cleaners to doctors yes agree.
But a cap is a rise at least and pension contribution for their retirement far out ways a private one.
Born. Work.get old. Retire.struggle unless state worker.
Sad innit.

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legaleagle 29 Nov 17 10.05pm
Originally posted by cryrst Glad you bought that up I don't think that's enough for the responsibility that they have. They are massively subsidised,from accommodation to travel,to back up staff, to all sorts.Their pay rises should reflect public sector averages). I've worked there;it's not known as the "best club in London" for MP's for nothing. In the old days,when I worked there,they had all night sittings,You'd get groups of them pissed out of their minds (from all parties) singing rugby songs while the staff flogged their guts out and then they'd complain if someone not an MP tried to buy a box of matches from their bar (only open to members).Since it was a royal palace,licensing hours never applied... Many of them have very little responsibility;they are "lobby fodder" and while many of them do a good job as caseworkers on behalf of constituents with problems,people doing equivalent casework frequently get paid somewhat less than £70k. Edited by legaleagle (29 Nov 2017 10.06pm)
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legaleagle

29 Nov 17 10.05pm

Originally posted by cryrst

Glad you bought that up
I don't think that's enough for the responsibility that they have.

They are massively subsidised,from accommodation to travel,to back up staff, to all sorts.Their pay rises should reflect public sector averages).

I've worked there;it's not known as the "best club in London" for MP's for nothing.

In the old days,when I worked there,they had all night sittings,You'd get groups of them pissed out of their minds (from all parties) singing rugby songs while the staff flogged their guts out and then they'd complain if someone not an MP tried to buy a box of matches from their bar (only open to members).Since it was a royal palace,licensing hours never applied...

Many of them have very little responsibility;they are "lobby fodder" and while many of them do a good job as caseworkers on behalf of constituents with problems,people doing equivalent casework frequently get paid somewhat less than £70k.

Edited by legaleagle (29 Nov 2017 10.06pm)

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