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I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2
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 Calzardi  Croydon 01 Oct 15 12.53pm |
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A man's queuing up in Tescos. In his basket, he's got an Indian meal for one and a bottle of Magners. He notices a girl queuing up just behind him, and in her basket is a Chinese meal for one and a bottle of Rose. He gives her a wink and says "You're single aren't you..." She starts blushing and with a giggle she replies "Yes.. How did you know that!" He eyes her up and down, gives her another wink and replies "Because you're an ugly c**t".
"DFS are selling Boat Sofa's. They've got a sail on." |
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| rednblueblood 05 Oct 15 11.47pm |
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How much do Essex girls pay for shampoo.
In dog beers I’ve only had one. |
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| lanzarote ron East Grinstead 14 Oct 15 1.36pm |
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A group of primary school infants, accompanied by teachers Miss Smith and Miss Brown, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with Miss Smith and the boys would go with Miss Brown. Miss Brown was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.' 'No, love,' he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15"
When you're dead you don't know you're dead. It is difficult only for the others. It's the same when you're stupid. |
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| lanzarote ron East Grinstead 14 Oct 15 1.38pm |
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Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker and one was a Homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, The men left the doctor's office; each convinced that he would never While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said,
When you're dead you don't know you're dead. It is difficult only for the others. It's the same when you're stupid. |
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| Red-Blue-Yellow Surrey 14 Oct 15 8.27pm |
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Did you hear about the two blokes who stole a calender? They each got 6 months....
I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football. |
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| cpfcarcher Crouch End 15 Oct 15 10.54am |
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What do you call a man whose life is in ruins? An archaeologist.
"He’s a footballer who wants to play football, which obviously helps" – Tony Pulis |
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| Horley Eagle Somewhere only I know 16 Oct 15 2.01pm |
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An Englishman walks into a bar.
Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know. |
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scottydogg  gold coast australia 19 Oct 15 11.37am |
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they just found joseph fritzals daughters diary it reads, monday raped by dad
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mr. apollo  Somewhere in Switzerland 19 Oct 15 1.45pm |
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Quote Horley Eagle at 16 Oct 2015 2.01pm
An Englishman walks into a bar.
Glad All Over |
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| barber o'reilly Teenage Wasteland 20 Oct 15 2.42pm |
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A Woman walks into a sex shop and the assistant asks if there is anything in particular she is looking for. Slightly embarrassed she replies that she would like to buy a vibrator. The assistant proceeds to bring out a selection of various models for her to look at . Coyly the Woman looks at them and then says , well actually there is one in the window I really like the look of. The assistant looking puzzled replies , can you show me ? The woman points it out to her and the assistant replies , well is The window cleaners Flask you are looking at , but I am sure you could make him an offer on it !
Shed 7 - Maroon 5 . A real end to end encounter ! |
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| phil38 london 20 Oct 15 3.41pm |
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I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
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| cpfcarcher Crouch End 20 Oct 15 3.49pm |
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An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. Normally they’d have a drink but all the Australian, New Zealand and South African bar staff are at the rugby……
"He’s a footballer who wants to play football, which obviously helps" – Tony Pulis |
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