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coulsdoneagle London 10 Aug 17 10.28pm
The thing is there is a difference between a bit of banter and people thinking it's genuinely acceptable to treat women a certain way because of how they look or dress. If you have had a friend a partner etc who has been on the recieving end of sht like this you realise how common it actually is and it's fcking scary. If you need to resort to this sort of thing to get some action then you are a sorry case but sadly these people do exist. There is a difference between posting which celeb you'd love to bugger then people half jokingly saying you'd like to see a photo up some poor lass' skirt. Sometimes it's hard to separate the jokes from the creeps. For example there is no way in my mind that PTJ is anything other than a funny poster with a dark sense of humour that is genuinely funny and a proper palace fan and I'm not talking about any comments like that. But there are enough people that send unsolicited dick picks or creep on women to the point of it being uncomfortable that it's important to realise that there is a line that is crossed too often. And proper blokes are aware of that line but sadly many think it's okay.
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coulsdoneagle

London 10 Aug 17 10.28pm

The thing is there is a difference between a bit of banter and people thinking it's genuinely acceptable to treat women a certain way because of how they look or dress. If you have had a friend a partner etc who has been on the recieving end of sh*t like this you realise how common it actually is and it's f*cking scary. If you need to resort to this sort of thing to get some action then you are a sorry case but sadly these people do exist. There is a difference between posting which celeb you'd love to bugger then people half jokingly saying you'd like to see a photo up some poor lass' skirt. Sometimes it's hard to separate the jokes from the creeps.

For example there is no way in my mind that PTJ is anything other than a funny poster with a dark sense of humour that is genuinely funny and a proper palace fan and I'm not talking about any comments like that. But there are enough people that send unsolicited dick picks or creep on women to the point of it being uncomfortable that it's important to realise that there is a line that is crossed too often. And proper blokes are aware of that line but sadly many think it's okay.

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martin2412 Living The Dream 10 Aug 17 10.37pm
Originally posted by coulsdoneagle The thing is there is a difference between a bit of banter and people thinking it's genuinely acceptable to treat women a certain way because of how they look or dress. If you have had a friend a partner etc who has been on the recieving end of sht like this you realise how common it actually is and it's fcking scary. If you need to resort to this sort of thing to get some action then you are a sorry case but sadly these people do exist. There is a difference between posting which celeb you'd love to bugger then people half jokingly saying you'd like to see a photo up some poor lass' skirt. Sometimes it's hard to separate the jokes from the creeps. For example there is no way in my mind that PTJ is anything other than a funny poster with a dark sense of humour that is genuinely funny and a proper palace fan and I'm not talking about any comments like that. But there are enough people that send unsolicited dick picks or creep on women to the point of it being uncomfortable that it's important to realise that there is a line that is crossed too often. And proper blokes are aware of that line but sadly many think it's okay. The thing is, nobody on here has said that it is acceptable or okay. Then someone starts throwing mysogony accusations about, and people jump on the high and mighty bandwagon.
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martin2412

Living The Dream 10 Aug 17 10.37pm

Originally posted by coulsdoneagle

The thing is, nobody on here has said that it is acceptable or okay. Then someone starts throwing mysogony accusations about, and people jump on the high and mighty bandwagon.

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wordup 10 Aug 17 10.40pm
Originally posted by coulsdoneagle The thing is there is a difference between a bit of banter and people thinking it's genuinely acceptable to treat women a certain way because of how they look or dress. If you have had a friend a partner etc who has been on the recieving end of sht like this you realise how common it actually is and it's fcking scary. If you need to resort to this sort of thing to get some action then you are a sorry case but sadly these people do exist. There is a difference between posting which celeb you'd love to bugger then people half jokingly saying you'd like to see a photo up some poor lass' skirt. Sometimes it's hard to separate the jokes from the creeps. For example there is no way in my mind that PTJ is anything other than a funny poster with a dark sense of humour that is genuinely funny and a proper palace fan and I'm not talking about any comments like that. But there are enough people that send unsolicited dick picks or creep on women to the point of it being uncomfortable that it's important to realise that there is a line that is crossed too often. And proper blokes are aware of that line but sadly many think it's okay. There can be a fine line but as you say humour can be dark. Intent is what matters. Those engaging in these acts or bombarding women with dick pics because they think every women secretly wants them are grubby and gross individuals. More often than not they are held to account for their behaviour eventually and rightly so.
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wordup

10 Aug 17 10.40pm

Originally posted by coulsdoneagle

There can be a fine line but as you say humour can be dark. Intent is what matters. Those engaging in these acts or bombarding women with dick pics because they think every women secretly wants them are grubby and gross individuals. More often than not they are held to account for their behaviour eventually and rightly so.

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becky over the moon 11 Aug 17 7.47am
Originally posted by martin2412 FFS. I don't know what happening with this site. All the poor little petals are offended by everything. It's a football forum, not mums.net, it's gone bloody soft. There'll be topics discussing knitting patterns soon, or what makes a house a home. The old lot that used to post on here like DRT, Jake D'Eagle, Morg etc would be turning in their (metaphorical) graves. Threads like 'Bellymans Missus and 'Morgs Broadcasting Corporation' would probably get taken down now because some little flower is getting upset. Pathetic. Edited by martin2412 (10 Aug 2017 10.13pm) I'm not sure who you think is being 'offended' on the thread. If you look at all the posts with references to offence, most of them are shown to be tongue in cheek by the smileys at the end. As a by-the-by, what is all this with the dick-pics? (yeh! at my age no-one is going to send me one, that's for sure), but do some men really believe that this would turn a woman on to them, or is it a more threatening approach? Either way, in fact pictures of willies normally just send most women into fits of giggles (or laughter, according to the member involved) which I assume is not the desired result! A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers
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becky

over the moon 11 Aug 17 7.47am

Originally posted by martin2412

FFS. I don't know what happening with this site. All the poor little petals are offended by everything. It's a football forum, not mums.net, it's gone bloody soft.

There'll be topics discussing knitting patterns soon, or what makes a house a home.

The old lot that used to post on here like DRT, Jake D'Eagle, Morg etc would be turning in their (metaphorical) graves.

Threads like 'Bellymans Missus and 'Morgs Broadcasting Corporation' would probably get taken down now because some little flower is getting upset.

Pathetic.

Edited by martin2412 (10 Aug 2017 10.13pm)

I'm not sure who you think is being 'offended' on the thread. If you look at all the posts with references to offence, most of them are shown to be tongue in cheek by the smileys at the end.

As a by-the-by, what is all this with the dick-pics?
(yeh! at my age no-one is going to send me one, that's for sure), but do some men really believe that this would turn a woman on to them, or is it a more threatening approach? Either way, in fact pictures of willies normally just send most women into fits of giggles (or laughter, according to the member involved) which I assume is not the desired result!

A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers

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Part Time James 11 Aug 17 8.11am
Good post Coulsdon. Quick show of hands, does anyone here think it's ok to take unsolicited photos of anyone's private parts or underwear or whatever (as per the actual article)? Unless people are trying to be deliberately contraversial I don't think anyone's going to say yes. If anyone thought I was saying it was ok, I shall just reiterate: I wasn't.
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Part Time James

11 Aug 17 8.11am

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Good post Coulsdon.

Quick show of hands, does anyone here think it's ok to take unsolicited photos of anyone's private parts or underwear or whatever (as per the actual article)?

Unless people are trying to be deliberately contraversial I don't think anyone's going to say yes.

If anyone thought I was saying it was ok, I shall just reiterate: I wasn't.

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Stirlingsays 11 Aug 17 8.26am
Originally posted by jamiemartin721 The problem of being male, is that there seem to be a lot of men who really let the side down, that most of us would regard as pathetic w***ers. But then you talk to women, and realise that maybe this is all a bit common place, and that its really the extreme end of the spectrum, and that to some extent something in male culture is intrinsically flawed in how it differentiates women and men in relation to sex. A big turning point is my wife and female friends on social media getting sent dick pics, and it seems frequent enough that its concerning. I asked a friend of ours, who is an escort, and she says that she gets four or five dick pics a day sent to her by strangers - and now just has a filter on her mail address to send any mails with attachments to the trash (among receiving other much more horrible emails from total strangers) But Jamie, what is 'male'? In seriousness though, anything where repression is standard....and the world of sex is subject to a heap of that then you get the darker side of people's natures. Everyone likes rational behaviour....well, no let me qualify that...some people like rational behaviour...Still, sexual desire is no different to any other aspect of human experience. Some people have high sexual desire and others medium or low. In the society we live in high sexual desire can be problematical or desired or condemned depending upon the gender and circumstance and so on.....often rational responses...when it comes to sex are hard to find. The general differences between male and female sexuality can be found on bellcurves and do a good job of providing rational answers as to why we get the various behaviours we do. Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 8.27am) 'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)
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Stirlingsays

11 Aug 17 8.26am

Originally posted by jamiemartin721

The problem of being male, is that there seem to be a lot of men who really let the side down, that most of us would regard as pathetic w***ers. But then you talk to women, and realise that maybe this is all a bit common place, and that its really the extreme end of the spectrum, and that to some extent something in male culture is intrinsically flawed in how it differentiates women and men in relation to sex.

A big turning point is my wife and female friends on social media getting sent dick pics, and it seems frequent enough that its concerning.

I asked a friend of ours, who is an escort, and she says that she gets four or five dick pics a day sent to her by strangers - and now just has a filter on her mail address to send any mails with attachments to the trash (among receiving other much more horrible emails from total strangers)

But Jamie, what is 'male'?

In seriousness though, anything where repression is standard....and the world of sex is subject to a heap of that then you get the darker side of people's natures.

Everyone likes rational behaviour....well, no let me qualify that...some people like rational behaviour...Still, sexual desire is no different to any other aspect of human experience. Some people have high sexual desire and others medium or low. In the society we live in high sexual desire can be problematical or desired or condemned depending upon the gender and circumstance and so on.....often rational responses...when it comes to sex are hard to find.

The general differences between male and female sexuality can be found on bellcurves and do a good job of providing rational answers as to why we get the various behaviours we do.

Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 8.27am)

'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)

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Stirlingsays 11 Aug 17 8.33am
Originally posted by wordup There can be a fine line but as you say humour can be dark. Intent is what matters. Those engaging in these acts or bombarding women with dick pics because they think every women secretly wants them are grubby and gross individuals. More often than not they are held to account for their behaviour eventually and rightly so. I agree with you. There is a deeper philosophical question though about the nature of desire, how it should/could be expressed and how people are to cope with their sexual drives in a way that doesn't adversely affect others. Some males are more driven sexually than others and to a smaller percentage perhaps females. Society treats these too genetic realities very differently. I think males and some females who aren't very good in social situations yet highly sexed have issues with correct expression....Then again, you get manipulative narcissists who want to see what advantage they can gain from being direct....again, people respond very differently depending upon their gender. Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 9.22am) 'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)
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Stirlingsays

11 Aug 17 8.33am

Originally posted by wordup

I agree with you.

There is a deeper philosophical question though about the nature of desire, how it should/could be expressed and how people are to cope with their sexual drives in a way that doesn't adversely affect others.

Some males are more driven sexually than others and to a smaller percentage perhaps females. Society treats these too genetic realities very differently.

I think males and some females who aren't very good in social situations yet highly sexed have issues with correct expression....Then again, you get manipulative narcissists who want to see what advantage they can gain from being direct....again, people respond very differently depending upon their gender.

Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 9.22am)

'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)

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Stirlingsays 11 Aug 17 8.35am
Originally posted by Part Time James Good post Coulsdon. Quick show of hands, does anyone here think it's ok to take unsolicited photos of anyone's private parts or underwear or whatever (as per the actual article)? Unless people are trying to be deliberately contraversial I don't think anyone's going to say yes. If anyone thought I was saying it was ok, I shall just reiterate: I wasn't. Unsolicited and/or without consent is dysfunctional sexual bullying behaviour. Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 9.00am) 'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)
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Stirlingsays

11 Aug 17 8.35am

Originally posted by Part Time James

Good post Coulsdon.

Quick show of hands, does anyone here think it's ok to take unsolicited photos of anyone's private parts or underwear or whatever (as per the actual article)?

Unless people are trying to be deliberately contraversial I don't think anyone's going to say yes.

If anyone thought I was saying it was ok, I shall just reiterate: I wasn't.

Unsolicited and/or without consent is dysfunctional sexual bullying behaviour.

Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 9.00am)

'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)

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Stirlingsays 11 Aug 17 8.58am
Originally posted by wordup There can be a fine line but as you say humour can be dark. Intent is what matters. Those engaging in these acts or bombarding women with dick pics because they think every women secretly wants them are grubby and gross individuals. More often than not they are held to account for their behaviour eventually and rightly so. Therein lies the problem....Who gets to decide on 'intent'? Whose 'truth' is accurate? The problem with what you say here is that some men do get laid because they send these pictures....have you heard about the 1 in 10 rule? Not all women respond the same way just as not all men do....it's a pretty fcuked up world when it comes to sex. When it comes down to enforcing a sexual 'code' onto others we need to be aware of our own biases. Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 9.00am) 'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)
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Stirlingsays

11 Aug 17 8.58am

Originally posted by wordup

Therein lies the problem....Who gets to decide on 'intent'? Whose 'truth' is accurate?

The problem with what you say here is that some men do get laid because they send these pictures....have you heard about the 1 in 10 rule? Not all women respond the same way just as not all men do....it's a pretty fcuked up world when it comes to sex.

When it comes down to enforcing a sexual 'code' onto others we need to be aware of our own biases.

Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 9.00am)

'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)

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Part Time James 11 Aug 17 9.08am
We start our new season tomorrow united as Palace fans. In 7 days time the hottest debate will be whether we'll end up in League 2 or where to holiday in Turkey for the Europa League. As fellow Palace fans let's at least extend each other the courtesy of a bit more benefit of the doubt than we'd give most people. I'm not aiming that at anyone specific on this forum by the way. If someone says something that could potentially be construed as the most disgusting endorsement of a sex crime (for example) or they may not be saying that at all, we could just ask them rather than jump two footed straight down their throat. Some of us have a history on here of being constantly "jokey" with our comments. I am one of them. I don't say this to excuse anything we say, I say it because we feel reasonably sure people will know us well enough to usually not have to ask whether we are being nasty or not. However, I do appreciate there will be people, in particular new posters or fans of other clubs, that don't know us well enough to draw that conclusion and that's something I personally now have in the back of my mind. More so in light of recent sensitivities. But either way, if in doubt, ask. And if you think someone is saying something that could be misconstrued by someone that doesn't know the history of this forum quite so well, how about politely pointing that out instead of going straight for the jugular? One final caveat, I'm not talking here about obviously aggressive/bullying/heinous comments that cannot be taken either way.
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Part Time James

11 Aug 17 9.08am

We start our new season tomorrow united as Palace fans. In 7 days time the hottest debate will be whether we'll end up in League 2 or where to holiday in Turkey for the Europa League.

As fellow Palace fans let's at least extend each other the courtesy of a bit more benefit of the doubt than we'd give most people. I'm not aiming that at anyone specific on this forum by the way.

If someone says something that could potentially be construed as the most disgusting endorsement of a sex crime (for example) or they may not be saying that at all, we could just ask them rather than jump two footed straight down their throat.

Some of us have a history on here of being constantly "jokey" with our comments. I am one of them. I don't say this to excuse anything we say, I say it because we feel reasonably sure people will know us well enough to usually not have to ask whether we are being nasty or not.

However, I do appreciate there will be people, in particular new posters or fans of other clubs, that don't know us well enough to draw that conclusion and that's something I personally now have in the back of my mind. More so in light of recent sensitivities.

But either way, if in doubt, ask. And if you think someone is saying something that could be misconstrued by someone that doesn't know the history of this forum quite so well, how about politely pointing that out instead of going straight for the jugular?

One final caveat, I'm not talking here about obviously aggressive/bullying/heinous comments that cannot be taken either way.

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wordup 11 Aug 17 12.14pm
Originally posted by Stirlingsays Therein lies the problem....Who gets to decide on 'intent'? Whose 'truth' is accurate? The problem with what you say here is that some men do get laid because they send these pictures....have you heard about the 1 in 10 rule? Not all women respond the same way just as not all men do....it's a pretty fcuked up world when it comes to sex. When it comes down to enforcing a sexual 'code' onto others we need to be aware of our own biases. Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 9.00am) It's true that there can be grey areas, but I think the platform on which these take place factors in. If someone is on an sex orientated dating website or app receiving such images is likely par of the course and has a level of appropriateness to it. If a guy is sending unsolicited explicit pics to women he's never even talked to on Facebook though for instance, that to me rings alarm bells and is intrusive and unnerving.
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wordup

11 Aug 17 12.14pm

Originally posted by Stirlingsays

Therein lies the problem....Who gets to decide on 'intent'? Whose 'truth' is accurate?

When it comes down to enforcing a sexual 'code' onto others we need to be aware of our own biases.

Edited by Stirlingsays (11 Aug 2017 9.00am)

It's true that there can be grey areas, but I think the platform on which these take place factors in. If someone is on an sex orientated dating website or app receiving such images is likely par of the course and has a level of appropriateness to it.

If a guy is sending unsolicited explicit pics to women he's never even talked to on Facebook though for instance, that to me rings alarm bells and is intrusive and unnerving.

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jamiemartin721 Reading 11 Aug 17 3.23pm
A really, really important thing to remember with Banter - is that it has to be consensual. Its not mandatory. For example, if someone posts a serious response to a topic, and you just chip straight in with a sexist joke about their period, then the assumption is that its not banter. If your note sure, drop a smiley face in. But remember if the other person doesn't take it as banter - its on you. If there is some too and fro, or they're regular contributors to General Talk, sure. "One Nation Under God, has turned into One Nation Under the Influence of One Drug" [Link]
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jamiemartin721

Reading 11 Aug 17 3.23pm

A really, really important thing to remember with Banter - is that it has to be consensual. Its not mandatory.

For example, if someone posts a serious response to a topic, and you just chip straight in with a sexist joke about their period, then the assumption is that its not banter.

If your note sure, drop a smiley face in. But remember if the other person doesn't take it as banter - its on you.

If there is some too and fro, or they're regular contributors to General Talk, sure.

"One Nation Under God, has turned into One Nation Under the Influence of One Drug"
[Link]

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