Oi' I am not fat thank you very much. And as for Moore being too smart for Americans. Do you think that because you guys get our worst TV programs? Judge Judy, Jerry Springer and others in the Hillbilly TV catagory!

I will continue to remain silent on my view of this war. I try to keep my rants to matters of Palace if I can...

Oct 26 2002-- Palace 5 Weed 0!!!

Just wondering if you could point out the 5 that are incorrect, because from where I'm sitting they look pretty accurate. Obviously I can't pass judgement on No.1, but neither can you as we aren't in America at the moment to gauge public opinion. Otherwise the rest of the points all appear to be honest evaluations. Admittedly the style may be a little inflammatory, but let's face it, Bush and Blair haven't resorted to demagoguery in the slightest now, have they?

3,000 elite pundits thrust for Basra in search of speculation
Iraq second city to fall under weight of wittering
by Kieren McCarthy
A crack team of 3,000 elite pundits are poised to enter Iraq's second city of Basra under cover of nonsense, we can reveal.

The specially equipped witterers will each carry 200lbs of foreboding on their shoulders and have all been trained in counter-fact speculation.

Using the very latest technology — camera phones, mobile satellite equipment and paper — the regiment, made up of skilled US and UK professionals as well as regular snoops, will make a bee-line for hospitals and burnt-out buildings from where they will guide in television viewers for an all-out onslaught on reality.

The massive movement easily surpasses the previous Gulf War in 1991, when only 500 pundits made the treacherous journey.

Those there will have at hand only the information members of the public possess thousands of miles away in order to create elaborate and heart-rending tales of strength, struggle and heroism.

Each has sufficient rations of cliches to survive three days but observers warn that without raw facts or pictures of weeping mothers, they cannot be expected to survive long on air.

One screen-hardened pundit told us: "It's not an easy job but someone has to do it."

Many of them have been in training for months where they were taught to work with minimal facts and survive for up to 30 minutes through courageous guesswork and tough conjecture.

But despite such preparations, it is feared the casualty rate may be high, with as many as 50 per cent not expected to come back with an award. Nevertheless, these brave men and women are not afraid and will fearlessly report innuendo, propaganda and rumours in order to keep their careers alive.

"War is a terrible thing with terrible consequences," one pundit who wished to named told us. "But I'm ready to deal with it and with the new £100,000 contract that hopefully we will sign once this is all over."

One, possibly two, American Apache Helicopters have been shot down by Iraqi peasants. More details as yet unknown.

I have a friend in the Para's currently based in Kuwait. The day before we went to war he spoke to his mother, and she asked him if he thinks we should go to war. He said before he went he thought not, but since spending time out there he has seen things that he is not allowed to repeat which in his eyes completely justifies war.

The TV crews have only themselves to blame for this incident as far as i'm concerned. They were so bloody desperate to be the first journalists to wherever they were going, when they ran into iraqi soldiers on there way. Instead of driving past them they decided to turn back to wherever they came from. Two armed iraqi vehicles followed them. As far as the American troops were concerned there were 4 unidentiied vehicles heading straight for them. What would you do??