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I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2
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 BudgiesBeak  London 28 Dec 20 6.37pm |
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I met a guy yesterday at an athletics event. I said "Are you a pole vaulter?"
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| Badger11 Beckenham 10 Jan 21 6.45pm |
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If you had to sacrifice 1 country to save the rest of us from COVID which one would you choose? And why Scotland.
One more point |
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Zimeagle  Harare 25 Jan 21 7.29pm |
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Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football together on Saturdays for so many years. Please do me one favour when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there". Joe looks up from his death bed and says " Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you". Shortly after that Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later Mike is awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, " Mike....Mike". "Who is it" asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Mike, it's me, Joe" "Joe, where are you?" "In heaven, I have some really good news and a little bad news". "Tell me the good news first", says Mike. ""Well, there's football in heaven. Better yet, all our old friends who died before us are here too. Better than that, we're all young again. And, best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired". "That's fantastic" says Mike. " It's beyond my wildest dreams! So, what could possibly be the bad news"? " You're in the team for Saturday".
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| kevlee born Wandsworth emigrated to Lanc... 25 Jan 21 8.26pm |
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I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law in the street.
Following Palace since 25 Feb 1978 |
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| BudgiesBeak London 26 Jan 21 8.40pm |
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I bought a wig made from bum hair yesterday. It's useless.... it keeps blowing off.
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| Badger11 Beckenham 30 Jan 21 2.01pm |
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Little girl at the zoo gets too close to the lions cage the lion grabs her and tries to pull her through the bars. A man see this and bravely punches the lion on the nose and drags the girl from his jaws to the applause of the crowd and the relief of her parents. Later he is interviewed by the BBC the reporter asks what happen and then for for some background "Well I am an army veteran, and I vote Tory and Brexit". The headlines that night on the BBC Right wing veteran assaults African immigrant and steals his lunch. Edited by Badger11 (30 Jan 2021 2.02pm)
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Daddyorc  Atlantic Highlands, NJ 30 Jan 21 2.12pm |
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A 65 year old man, 75 year old man and 85 year old man are sitting down at a table. The 65 year old says "60+ must be the worst age, I wake up at 6am every morning and can't pee. It's just a struggle". The 75 year old says "That's nothing, 70+ must be the worst age, I wake up at 6am every morning and can't poop. It's just a struggle". The 85 year old says "80+ must be the worst age". The 65 year old says "Why, can you not pee?" 85 year old "No, I pee a lot every morning at 6am". The 75 year old says "Why, can you not poop?" 85 year old, "No, I poop a lot every morning at 6am." 65 and 75 - "so what's so bad about 85?" 85 year old "I don't wake up until 7am!"
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| monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 05 Feb 21 12.11pm |
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Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...
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| Palace Old Geezer Midhurst 05 Feb 21 12.41pm |
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Apparently, according to a recent survey (this is not a joke by the way), 20% of Millennials have no idea what a Knock, Knock joke is. What's the world coming to eh?
Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled. |
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| BudgiesBeak London 10 Mar 21 2.50pm |
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A man goes to his doctor and says “every time I get an erection it looks just like a space rocket.”
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| doi209 Fighting for the weak and innocent... 10 Mar 21 3.13pm |
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Someone keeps going through my bins and stealing my apple cores. Must be a stalker.
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| BlueJay UK 12 Mar 21 11.03am |
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One I recently heard -
I said, “Do you like avocado?” She said, “No, I aven’t even passed me driving test yet”
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