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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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sniffer dagenham The narm, Dagennarm 15 Sep 09 3.39pm
The Wrong Bitch The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat..." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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sniffer dagenham

The narm, Dagennarm 15 Sep 09 3.39pm

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The Wrong Bitch

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked,

"Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat..."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

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teejay61 The Cup of Sid 19 Sep 09 9.13am
Why did the Baker have brown hands ? Because he kneaded a poo Supporting the mighty CPFC since September 1971
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teejay61

The Cup of Sid 19 Sep 09 9.13am

Why did the Baker have brown hands ?

Because he kneaded a poo

Supporting the mighty CPFC since September 1971

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Don Rogers Tache hanging around the local Taco Bell... 07 Oct 09 12.36pm
When I was a lad,mum would send me to the shop with 50p.I could get a chicken,2 pints of milk,a comic,6 eggs and a pair of jeans. You just can't do that these days.f*ing CCTV cameras! I know you are but what am I?**
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Don Rogers Tache

hanging around the local Taco Bell... 07 Oct 09 12.36pm

When I was a lad,mum would send me to the shop with 50p.I could get a chicken,2 pints of milk,a comic,6 eggs and a pair of jeans.
You just can't do that these days.f***ing CCTV cameras!

I know you are but what am I?

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Dazzling Sutton 07 Oct 09 12.47pm
Newly-weds turn up at hotel & ask for the honeymoon suite, Receptionist asks, "Do you have reservations?" Bride says "I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse."
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Dazzling

Sutton 07 Oct 09 12.47pm

Newly-weds turn up at hotel & ask for the honeymoon suite, Receptionist asks, "Do you have reservations?" Bride says "I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse."

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Don Rogers Tache hanging around the local Taco Bell... 07 Oct 09 12.48pm
Quote Dazzling at 07 Oct 2009 12:47pm Newly-weds turn up at hotel & ask for the honeymoon suite, Receptionist asks, "Do you have reservations?" Bride says "I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse." I know you are but what am I?
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Don Rogers Tache

hanging around the local Taco Bell... 07 Oct 09 12.48pm

Quote Dazzling at 07 Oct 2009 12:47pm

Newly-weds turn up at hotel & ask for the honeymoon suite, Receptionist asks, "Do you have reservations?" Bride says "I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse."

I know you are but what am I?

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Clint Hill Bromley 11 Oct 09 9.59pm
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'
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Clint Hill

Bromley 11 Oct 09 9.59pm

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'

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Mr Statto Ifield 13 Oct 09 7.54pm
How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars! Boom Boom That's just the ramblings of a madman
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Mr Statto

Ifield 13 Oct 09 7.54pm

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars!

Boom Boom

That's just the ramblings of a madman

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Mr Statto Ifield 13 Oct 09 8.01pm
I sat up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Suddenly, it dawned on me That's just the ramblings of a madman
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Mr Statto

Ifield 13 Oct 09 8.01pm

I sat up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Suddenly, it dawned on me

That's just the ramblings of a madman

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APDcpfc London 14 Oct 09 12.34am
Whats the only thing that climbs the walls and scares Jews? Gaspipes
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APDcpfc

London 14 Oct 09 12.34am

Whats the only thing that climbs the walls and scares Jews?

Gaspipes

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canditab 14 Oct 09 1.09am
Quote APDcpfc at 14 Oct 2009 12:34am Whats the only thing that climbs the walls and scares Jews? Gaspipes Us Jews are also scared of Burglars; one of them climbs into you house, oy vey does the home insurance go up! Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off ?
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canditab 14 Oct 09 1.09am

Quote APDcpfc at 14 Oct 2009 12:34am

Whats the only thing that climbs the walls and scares Jews?
Gaspipes

Us Jews are also scared of Burglars; one of them climbs into you house, oy vey does the home insurance go up!

Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off

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Don Rogers Tache hanging around the local Taco Bell... 14 Oct 09 1.22am
Quote APDcpfc at 14 Oct 2009 12:34am Whats the only thing that climbs the walls and scares Jews? Gaspipes Not in the spirit of a crap joke thread. Don't want these kind of jokes here! I know you are but what am I?
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Don Rogers Tache

hanging around the local Taco Bell... 14 Oct 09 1.22am

Quote APDcpfc at 14 Oct 2009 12:34am

Whats the only thing that climbs the walls and scares Jews?

Gaspipes

Not in the spirit of a crap joke thread.
Don't want these kind of jokes here!

I know you are but what am I?

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jdubyah15 Purgatory 14 Oct 09 1.27am
I don't know if somebody's said this already but here goes: What do you call a guy with no limbs and whose hanging on the wall? Art What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen What do you call a female lawyer? Sue Ari Gold: Lloyd, I see dead people. Why?
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jdubyah15