This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John , desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the
wheel and the engine wasn’t on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a
curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John , paralyzed with terror,
watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so,gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about
the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying… and wasn’t drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the
other.....

'Look Paddy......there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!'

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

She hears the little boy continue,

'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

A Department of Water Resources representative stops at an outback Queensland farm and talks with the old farmer who has worked the land for many years.

He tells the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation..."

The old farmer says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there mate."

The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I FARKING WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his work.

Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Water Rep is clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...

"YOUR CARD.... SHOW HIM YOUR FARKING CARD!!!"

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting -
juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls... Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....

You want........Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?'

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

Oh, I thought it was Sir Roundsound....or was he the loudest?

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Archie Griffen

Hating Brighton since 1974

There's a new origami channel starting on satellite TV soon. It's available on Sky paper view.

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening