Great story.

Students, though, can be scared off with a wet flannel and soap tbf.

Big chest and massive boobs

[Link]

I used to deal with this sort of matter in my previous life in private practise and hated every minute of my working life. BOTH sides feel they are aggrieved, usually both sides have done something daft/anti-social [even if they are unaware of it] and matters descend into a living hell of he did this and you did that. Matters become so bogged down in accusation and counter-accusation that judges make the judgment of Solomon and cut a line directly down the middle. It will cost a lot in time, money and health to achieve precisely nothing unless the facts are objectively wholly one-sided; and you are not one to make an objective assessment.

De-escalation is the answer [see Catfish reply] IF - and only if - he is of sound mind. Often these issues can be traced back to a seemingly innocent act by you or something that he has never mentioned - usually the size or roots of trees! He could be suffering structural damage which he wrongly assumes you are aware of. Anger and stupidity often masks chronic shyness and an inability to confront sensibly.

As suggested, treat him to a nice meal and say you are trying to bury the hatchet. If you are the "problem", get your wife to ask. Men generally act differently with a smiling female. DO NOT allow the meeting to go out of control e.g. let him rant without reply. He will run out eventually. If he gives you a list of complaints, do NOT treat them as trivial. They are so important to him he has become unbalanced. Write them down in front of him on the left side of the page and - in each case - ask him what he wants you to do about them; then write that down on the right side. If they are matters beyond your control, it is only when he is asked to give a solution that you can cross a line through that complaint BUT it may be that you both can work together to resolve it. Remember, at the end of the meeting recap the complaints and the to do list and get him to agree a practical way forward. Then get that typed up and HAND him a letter to show what you think was the deal reached. If he reads it in front of you and approves that is good; if he signs and dates his approval that is better. Remember, you may not like what you have to do but you have to be seen to be trying to carry out that list.

Any serious formalising of the dispute will render your property borderline unmarketable. At present you are already in some jeopardy as you must disclose the complaints he has made against you. It would thus be better if you can also disclose a letter evidencing a deal struck between you; and a significant period of time in which the agreement has been shown to work and there have been no further complaint from either side. Generally, these should be disclosed up front on any sale from the outset. Otherwise, you risk a substantial claim for misrepresentation that will break you financially.

While it pains me to say this, I would not recommend a solicitor. Once matters have gone to that level and particularly if the issue has gone before the courts, this could effectively blight the property for the foreseeable future unless your neighbour moved.

If he refuses to meet informally, one idea is an intermediary who he trusts. Does he go to church? His priest or vicar would be ideal. You will need to make that approach to his church and then set up a mediation.

Regrettably, if quiet diplomacy fails and/or if he is a raving nutter, you have to move.

Lol...I only got to this after posting above

The Voice of Reason In An Otherwise Mediocre World

I recently aquired a woodchipper. If you or a kindly Hols member are willing to do your neighbour in chuck him in a chest freezer until solid and i will collect and put him through the chipper and feed him to pigs. Little mess and will never be traced.

There was a programme on channel 4 or 5 about nightmare neighbours

Something that was clear was you need evidence! Even if it doesn't go to court, if you confront him then he might realise you're serious about getting it stopped

Make sure you log everything, time & date and exactly what happene

Record noises (on something like an iPhone as it marks the recording time) or e-mail it to yourself as proof when it happened

Consider putting up a CCTV camera, even if it's a dummy it would be a deterrent to him doing anything

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?