Although there’s nothing worse than if they haven’t fried the fresh ones long enough.

I prefer chopped tin toms anyway I’m afraid, smothered in brown sauce and pepper

Speechless

served on a dish as small as a side-plate, the cafes I've experienced in recent years, serve a fayre of poached free-range eggs on lightly toasted granary wholemeal bread with a cup of ethically sourced organic tea for £15.

I want thick white doorstep bread, fried. Eggs, fried. Bacon cooked until the smoke alarm tells you it's ready and a mug of coffee that burns your lips. I suppose people like me are a dying breed. Clinically obese with arteries clogged with saturated fat and a resting heartbeat of 120.

I disengage, I turn the page.

There's the 1066 cafe about 10 miles north of Hastings on the A21. It's used a lot for bikers meets and has a big car park, and a layby on the other side of the road for truckers.
And on matchdays, occasionally The Fully Monty on Brighton Road, Coulsdon.
All very nice and reasonably priced.
The trouble is, I'm kind of blemished by nostalgia. I used to remember fried breakfasts being served on a giant platter that required a table of its own to eat at, full of everything perfectly cooked and piping hot in saturated fat and lard. And the doors were just that bit wider than standard for fat b'stads like me. Oh, and could I have semi-skimmed milk in my coffee, as I'm watching the calories

So those two were very much consistent and my favoured establishments.

I disengage, I turn the page.

The Smithfield Cafe in Long Lane is pretty good. Any cafe that lists "fried slice" on the menu is worth a look. During the week it's open 24 hours a day so can get a bit pungent.

Note to self. Read whole thread or risk repeating what other wiser posters have already said.