I suggested pardew bingo on here last week and was called childish!! Oops

When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC

Poor cow must have jaw ache. Maybe he makes substitutions part way through

When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC

'We were taken by surprise at the redness of their stripes and confused as to why they are called Saints when none of them have halo's. I was trying to get clarification instructions onto the pitch during their first three goals but the Pope was rather slow in responding to my mobile calls and anyway they never listen to me. I asked Southampton to tone down their stripes at half time to a more pleasant cerise but they told me to stuff the cerise where the sun doesn't shine. I could not get to the dark side of the moon in time so we let a further three goals past us in the second half. On a positive note I thought that the lad Campbell did well to nearly get a shot on goal, justifying my decision to rest Benteke until after Christmas'.

Leaves on the line

"I'm tactically inept and grossly arrogant so won't learn from my mistakes. To be honest the fans generating a lot of noise is more grating than helpful but going down the pub with them that one time bought me another 6 months of unquestioned bad results. Now of course they've finally cottoned on and started voicing their discomfort but whilst they were all busy painting bull**** flags I had my nose so far up the Chairman's backside I could lick his teeth. So he's my best mate now but even if he wants to fire me I have this solid contract that'll mean I have to be paid a hefty sum for my failures so I reckon that'll at least see me through til February. Anyway mate, can't stay and chat, there's an underground poker game in Clapham this evening and then it's straight on to a brothel to snort coke off a Thai birds crack."

*Pardew drops the mic.*

Last week I drilled the defence so much there was nothing left but holes.
This week I am getting them plastered so that they will forget all of my instructions.
Next week? f*** knows. In all honesty I think it's the players fault.(Honesty is such an easy word to type, isn't it).
I welcome all suggestions, as I like to tell people to f*** off.
Anyway, must go now as I have a late rendezvouz with the wife of a close friend. Although unlike a footballer she prefers to be plastered first before my drilling.
Onwards and downwards.
All the best, Smirky Al.

It's good to keep an opened mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.