My Last Post..... EVER!

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My Last Post..... EVER!

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saxoneagle Bromley 07 Dec 06 7.44pm
Quote jcreedy at 07 Dec 2006 7:37pm Does this mean he's not coming to the HOL Xmas drinks? He never was. The chip on his shoulder had grown too big to fit through most doorways and pub landlords were getting annoyed with him for depressing the regulars.
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saxoneagle

Bromley 07 Dec 06 7.44pm

Quote jcreedy at 07 Dec 2006 7:37pm

Does this mean he's not coming to the HOL Xmas drinks?

He never was. The chip on his shoulder had grown too big to fit through most doorways and pub landlords were getting annoyed with him for depressing the regulars.

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dr dust round the corner 07 Dec 06 7.46pm
quite possibly the best stuff I have ever read on HOL. Thankyou all you sick b******s - keep it up!
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dr dust

round the corner 07 Dec 06 7.46pm

quite possibly the best stuff I have ever read on HOL. Thankyou all you sick b******s - keep it up!

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Mr Statto Ifield 07 Dec 06 8.45pm
I can't believe I missed all of this this afternoon - a fantastic read, just a shame I can't tell them to Mrs Statto, for two reasons: 1) She thinks I've been working 2) She'd tell me I'm a sick b****** and withdraw privileges for a while That's just the ramblings of a madman
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Mr Statto

Ifield 07 Dec 06 8.45pm

I can't believe I missed all of this this afternoon - a fantastic read, just a shame I can't tell them to Mrs Statto, for two reasons:
1) She thinks I've been working
2) She'd tell me I'm a sick b****** and withdraw privileges for a while

That's just the ramblings of a madman

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Cucking Funt Clapham on the Back 07 Dec 06 9.02pm
Political correctness has taken a fatal blow to the nads today. Excellent stuff. Wife beating may be socially acceptable in Sheffield, but it is a different matter in Cheltenham
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Cucking Funt

Clapham on the Back 07 Dec 06 9.02pm

Political correctness has taken a fatal blow to the nads today. Excellent stuff.

Wife beating may be socially acceptable in Sheffield, but it is a different matter in Cheltenham

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jcreedy 07 Dec 06 9.18pm
What do you get if you put a baby in a blender? An erection. Apologies if this has been posted in the previous 19 pages It was my dream to play for Palace and to make my debut. I've always played for the club so if I'm playing here, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. - John Bostock (Nov 2007)
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jcreedy

07 Dec 06 9.18pm

What do you get if you put a baby in a blender?

An erection.

Apologies if this has been posted in the previous 19 pages

It was my dream to play for Palace and to make my debut. I've always played for the club so if I'm playing here, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

- John Bostock (Nov 2007)

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jcreedy 07 Dec 06 9.20pm
What's pink and hard and sends women wild? Cot death. It was my dream to play for Palace and to make my debut. I've always played for the club so if I'm playing here, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. - John Bostock (Nov 2007)
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jcreedy

07 Dec 06 9.20pm

What's pink and hard and sends women wild?

Cot death.

It was my dream to play for Palace and to make my debut. I've always played for the club so if I'm playing here, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

- John Bostock (Nov 2007)

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dendownunder victoria 07 Dec 06 9.30pm
Chollis, that is f*ing excellent,nearly fell off my chair and scared the s* out of the kids. Thanks Quote chollis at 07 Dec 2006 2:25pm What do you call a pig with a spade up it's arse? Dawn French. I'll get me coat.......... Edited by dendownunder (07 Dec 2006 9:30pm)
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dendownunder

victoria 07 Dec 06 9.30pm

Chollis, that is f***ing excellent,nearly fell off my chair and scared the s*** out of the kids. Thanks

Quote chollis at 07 Dec 2006 2:25pm

What do you call a pig with a spade up it's arse?

Dawn French.

I'll get me coat..........

Edited by dendownunder (07 Dec 2006 9:30pm)

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Pikester Worthing 07 Dec 06 10.24pm
A few that got emailed to me a while back: >>Why is divorce so expensive? >>Because it's worth it. >> >>Why is air a lot like sex? >>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. >> >>What do you call a smart blonde? >>A golden retriever. >> >>What do lawyers use for birth control? >>Their personalities. >> >>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? >>45 Kgs >> >>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? >>45 minutes >> >>What's the fastest way to a man's heart? >>Through his chest with a sharp knife. >> >>Why do men want to marry virgins? >>They can't stand criticism. >> >>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and >>good-looking? >>Because those men already have boyfriends. >> >>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? >>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. >> >>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? >>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of >>driving. >> >>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? >>Because they have cotton balls. >> >>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? >>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. >> >>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? >>"Are you sure it's mine?" >> >>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? >>Mace will do that to you. >> >>Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Tasmania? >>Everyone has the same DNA. >> >>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? >>Breasts don't have eyes. >> >>Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? >>They named him "Sum Ting Wong". >> >>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? >>A speech impediment. >> >>How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? >>Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO! You fed me, you bred me, I'll remember your name.
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Pikester

Worthing 07 Dec 06 10.24pm

A few that got emailed to me a while back:

>>Why is divorce so expensive?
>>Because it's worth it.
>>
>>Why is air a lot like sex?
>>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>>
>>What do you call a smart blonde?
>>A golden retriever.
>>
>>What do lawyers use for birth control?
>>Their personalities.
>>
>>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>>45 Kgs
>>
>>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>>45 minutes
>>
>>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>>Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>>
>>Why do men want to marry virgins?
>>They can't stand criticism.
>>
>>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
>>good-looking?
>>Because those men already have boyfriends.
>>
>>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>>
>>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
>>driving.
>>
>>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>>Because they have cotton balls.
>>
>>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
>>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>>
>>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>>"Are you sure it's mine?"
>>
>>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>>Mace will do that to you.
>>
>>Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Tasmania?
>>Everyone has the same DNA.
>>
>>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>>Breasts don't have eyes.
>>
>>Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
>>They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
>>
>>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
>>A speech impediment.
>>
>>How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
>>Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

You fed me, you bred me, I'll remember your name.

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vflynn Perth 08 Dec 06 12.22am
The teacher say's to the class...... "ok children what I would like you all to do today is talk amongst yourselves and come up with a bird that most resembles your mother, now i am just going out for 5 minutes and when I come back I want you to tell me which bird most resembles your mother. 5 mins goes by and the teacher returns she says ok mary what bird most resembles you mother? Mary says a Flamingo miss cos a Flamingo is a tall & elegant bird & my mum is tall and very elegant..well done mary ....sarah .... a dove miss cos a dove is a bird of peace & love and my mum is a very loving & peacefull lady... very good Sarah .....Little Johny is up the back of the class waving his arms franticlly around trying to get the teachers attention...yes Johny the teacher says.... a THRUSH miss... oh and why would that be Johny ...cos my mums an irritating C**t. "If you wana get ahead............Get a hat..... Malcom Allison 1975-76 the glory year.
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vflynn

Perth 08 Dec 06 12.22am

The teacher say's to the class...... "ok children what I would like you all to do today is talk amongst yourselves and come up with a bird that most resembles your mother, now i am just going out for 5 minutes and when I come back I want you to tell me which bird most resembles your mother.
5 mins goes by and the teacher returns she says ok mary what bird most resembles you mother? Mary says a Flamingo miss cos a Flamingo is a tall & elegant bird & my mum is tall and very elegant..well done mary ....sarah .... a dove miss cos a dove is a bird of peace & love and my mum is a very loving & peacefull lady... very good Sarah .....Little Johny is up the back of the class waving his arms franticlly around trying to get the teachers attention...yes Johny the teacher says.... a THRUSH miss... oh and why would that be Johny ...cos my mums an irritating C**t.

"If you wana get ahead............Get a hat.....
Malcom Allison 1975-76 the glory year.

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shaness Not a million miles from here. 08 Dec 06 1.45am
Quote Miss Walshy at 07 Dec 2006 1:04pm SG remember the rhyme.... Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me! That actually doesn't rhyme! 'Tis but a parable made to make inferior people feel better after minor insults are thrown at them. Mugs! I am NOT going to a titty bar with John Inverdale! - Rob Brydon Just been to a new Japanese/Jewish fusion restaurant. SOSUMI
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shaness

Not a million miles from here. 08 Dec 06 1.45am

Quote Miss Walshy at 07 Dec 2006 1:04pm

SG remember the rhyme....

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me!

That actually doesn't rhyme! 'Tis but a parable made to make inferior people feel better after minor insults are thrown at them. Mugs!

I am NOT going to a titty bar with John Inverdale! - Rob Brydon

Just been to a new Japanese/Jewish fusion restaurant. SOSUMI

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MattEagle Kent 08 Dec 06 12.18pm
Quote Pikester at 07 Dec 2006 10:24pm >>What do you call a smart blonde? >>A golden retriever. Thats just made me laugh out loud briliant! Edited by MattEagle (08 Dec 2006 12:18pm)
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MattEagle

Kent 08 Dec 06 12.18pm

Quote Pikester at 07 Dec 2006 10:24pm

>>What do you call a smart blonde?
>>A golden retriever.

Thats just made me laugh out loud briliant!

Edited by MattEagle (08 Dec 2006 12:18pm)

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Eagle_Eye Coulsdon 08 Dec 06 12.37pm
I apologise in advance for this: Whats blue and orange and is found at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby with burst arm bands. Extran Orange - The Best Hangover Cure in Europe You boys are a credit to your club and your parents - Russell Hayward (Mount Pleasant B&B Blackpool)
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Eagle_Eye

Coulsdon 08 Dec 06 12.37pm

I apologise in advance for this:

Whats blue and orange and is found at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst arm bands.

Extran Orange - The Best Hangover Cure in Europe

You boys are a credit to your club and your parents - Russell Hayward (Mount Pleasant B&B Blackpool)

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