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I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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HeathMan Flag Purley 02 Oct 16 11.50pm Send a Private Message to HeathMan Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add HeathMan as a friend

Is the Club Shop ready to put "Willo" on the back of 15,000 Palace shirts?

COYP

 

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Hoof Hearted 03 Oct 16 11.42am

Originally posted by sitdownstandup

Ok then hoof... i'm a fan of willo so hope he finds it funny too...

Willo was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Willo, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Willo and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
"Willo! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Willo's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Willo that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Willo says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Willo says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Willo on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Willo, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Willo, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"Pope Francis," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Willo. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Willo and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Willo says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Willo emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Willo returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Willo asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f*** is that on the balcony with Willo?'

 

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Hoof Hearted 03 Oct 16 11.44am

Originally posted by HeathMan

Is the Club Shop ready to put "Willo" on the back of 15,000 Palace shirts?

COYP

What is the punchline?

 

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HeathMan Flag Purley 03 Oct 16 11.02pm Send a Private Message to HeathMan Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add HeathMan as a friend

Sorry - I was just idly wondering about one possible consequence of all Season Ticket Holders wishing to show respect to Willo.

 

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Hoof Hearted 05 Oct 16 10.17am

Originally posted by HeathMan

Sorry - I was just idly wondering about one possible consequence of all Season Ticket Holders wishing to show respect to Willo.

In that case the Club shop would need to stock 15,000 pairs of Dr Marten's boots!

Edited by Hoof Hearted (05 Oct 2016 10.17am)

 

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Hoof Hearted 07 Oct 16 11.01am

I stood outside the Anglian Windows sales shop in the High Street for ages looking in.

Eventually the store manager came out and asked if he could help.

No thanks I said... I'm only window shopping!

 

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doi209 Flag Fighting for the weak and innocent... 07 Oct 16 7.37pm Send a Private Message to doi209 Add doi209 as a friend

A man stands at checkout 4 in the local supermarket.
"Dam", he says to the girl, "I forgot my condoms"
"Nevermind, come behind this curtain" says the girl.
A minute later a voice over the intercomm:
"This is checkout 4. Could some please bring a box of large condoms. Thankyou."

Checkout 5, a man says "Dam, I forgot my condoms".
"Nevermind, come behind this curtain" says the girl.
A minute later a voice over the intercomm:
"This is checkout 5. Could some please bring a box of small condoms. Thankyou.".

Checkout 6 is a young lad of 17 thinking "I can have some of this". "Dam" he says to the girl,"I forgot my condoms".
"Nevermind, come behind this curtain" says the girl.
A minute later a voice over the intercomm:
"This is checkout 6. Could some please bring a mop and bucket..."

 

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blackpalacefan Flag 07 Oct 16 8.13pm Send a Private Message to blackpalacefan Add blackpalacefan as a friend

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.

 

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blackpalacefan Flag 07 Oct 16 8.14pm Send a Private Message to blackpalacefan Add blackpalacefan as a friend

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months

 

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Hoof Hearted 08 Oct 16 9.20am

I'll bet Donald J Trump is behind this LOL

Hilary Clinton.jpg Attachment: Hilary Clinton.jpg (116.65Kb)

 

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johnno42000 Flag 26 Oct 16 8.30pm Send a Private Message to johnno42000 Add johnno42000 as a friend

What do you call Australian roadkill?

Duck Billed Splatterpus.

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The top gender reassignment hospital has a restaurant that has just received a Michelin star. It's called Eat, Drink and be Mary.

 


'Lies to the masses as are like fly's to mollasses...they want more and more and more'

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richard shaw (og)65 Flag my minds eye 28 Oct 16 12.03pm Send a Private Message to richard shaw (og)65 Add richard shaw (og)65 as a friend

breaking news - hide and seek world champion found dead in cupboard

 


interviewer " iggy , do you think you influenced anybody?"
iggy pop " I think I wiped out the 60`S "

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