A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall, but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks, the two went back to the tall woman's flat.
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."
"Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs, and close your eyes," said the midget.
The woman did as she was told, and soon she felt the biggest thing she had ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes, the woman had climaxed eight times.
"If you think was good," said the midget with a smirk, "just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

Coleen Rooney is taking her family to see Katie Price's family for Christmas day. At least Harvey can help Wayne with his new colouring book.

In dog beers I’ve only had one.

Last week I bought myself a pet budgie. I named him Onan, because he kept spilling his seed on the floor.

Why name him Onan?

I get the sexual innuendo about spilling his seed on the floor but not the name Onan.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them;They said it would be just like winning thhe Lottery!
I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

Scientists have revealed today That they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians.
It's called Trydixagain

Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.