On your head I mean - before some wit suggests other alternatives.
And on blokes.

There comes an age when, if you have flowing locks, you need to make a sad and irreversible decision. That long hair you had as a student just doesn't work when you get into your twenties.

What do you mean you are older than that and have long hair!

Are training to be a f***ing pantomime dame?

It is just wrong. And sweeping it all over in an attempt to look windswept and interesting doesn't cut it either when you are in your 40s. I am looking at you Mr Parish.
Get yer hair cut yer big girlie, hippy poofs.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial

I would if I could, but alas I can't. Friend of mine and his brother still rock the long hair, and it really still looks good. The exception maybe.

"One Nation Under God, has turned into One Nation Under the Influence of One Drug"
[Link]

And another thing...

Ponytails on men. No,no,no,no.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial

I am 64 and have the Boris look , not many at my age still have this much hair, if you got it let it blow in the wind.

Nigel Slater.... WTF?

He looked like a tramp last night with his scruffy hair and beard.

Tidy yourself up man, you're a chef FFS!

I have a long face. When I grow my hair long it curls into the shape of a Dutch cap. In silhouette my head then takes on the shape of a gentleman's best friend.

Thus...

I wear my hair short and neat.