If you only have one employer, Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs officers will force you to pay tax as you earn.

PAYE they call it.

So, logically, all footballers should be on PAYE, because CPFC is their only employer. They might get sponsorship deals, but that's different.

But players seem to be able to sort their own tax affairs (if recent events are anything to go by - naming no names)

Do you think the tax deadline was playing on their minds last night?

Wilf looked as if he was puzzling over what class of National Insurance contribution he should be paying. (The Self Assessment tax forms are very vague)

Cabaye spent the whole game looking like a man who wishes he'd gone on PAYE and to hell with all the fiddling about with receipts and invoices and claiming tax allowances on his travel expenses.

I bet Benteke is a big charity contributor. You need to declare charity contributions, I learned today, but it only applies if you pay a high rate of tax and become eligible for a tax break for your charity donations.

If it was down to me, I'd give the young players a chance, as they cost less in wages and they're easy to manipulate.

I don’t know why I’m bothering to answer this but even if you are PAYE you need to file a tax return if your annual income exceeds £100,000.

I think it’s safe to say this applies to them all.

Will this be five? It's gonna be five! It IS five!

er, I think they have a personal accountant and never see a tax return in their life. They pay the accountant and receive their income, that's it.

Thanks. I didn't realise that.

I think you can work out why I had no idea.

yeah.

And while your at it I should play up front for Palace so I can appreciate how difficult Benteke's job is.