1. Thou shalt have no other god but money.

3. Thou shalt tweet. Thou mayst tweet any bollocks thou wishest, yea even though it be utter s***e, but thou shalt tweet.

4. Thou shalt regurgitate other people's bull**** and pass it off as thinw own scoop.

5. Thou shalt pretend all manner of clubs are interested in thy player to attract the club thou likest, and shalt make thyself scarce when they give testimony that they know not of him.

6. Thou shalt charge exorbitant fees, yea even fees that shall make thine enemies run to the water closet in terror.

7. Thou shalt whine about the difficulty of signing players, saying, "Truly it is easier for Akinfenwa to pass through the eye of a needle than to sign him to a Championship club".

8. Thou shalt sign no contract until thou hast at least once denied any interest in it, even feeble excuses shalt thou make as to why it be not in thine interests.

9. Thou shalt pretend to be interested in that which is not legal tender.

10. Thou shalt suffer thy fax machine to be working at all times, yea even on the Sabbath.

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The Ferret
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