Fickle fan base? He's won 5 league games in nearly a year and sent us into freefall with limited airspace between us and the trapdoor despite having a more than adequate set of players and fifty million quid in the transfer window.

If that were your manager you'd have been calling for his head a long time ago. In fact we're unusual because most clubs would have issued him with a P45 a long, long time ago.

But now, enough is enough. It's become embarrassing.

Thanks for dropping by Timothy.

Not long till your mam has your eggy-wegs soft boiled to have with your soldiers to dip in eh?

You can eat it off your special "Shearer" themed egg cups and plate.

Your mam looking on all kindly and telling you "There's a good wain Timothy... eat it all up for Alan, Pet".

Do they stalk all of their ex-managers? I bet Kevin Keegan is forever wiping dribble off his windows.

I do too actually. Maybe we ought to launch an appeal.

"Gavin here is a window licker. He was born in Newcastle Upon Tyne to a 14 year old girl and one of four potential dads and has had to live in a dark house with holes for windows and toilets. For as little as two pounds a month you could help little Gavin buy three pints of Newcastle Brown and a go on Sharon from number 7's tits. In return for your donation you'll receive a letter from Gavin once a year full of expletives and written in crayon along with a photo of him in a knock off Adidas hoodie smoking very thin roll up fags. Two pounds. Just two pounds."

Alright, calm down Geldof. Last thing we want is another benefit concert for people in third world Northern cities.