Er... Eurovision Song Contest... have I mistakenly logged onto North Stand Chat?

Nail.Head

It all starts of quite genteel, the first song usually an instantly forgettable soppy ballad from a lovely looking lass, big brown eyes, raven hair, pert tits, long shapely legs wearing a gold sequined frock from Azerbaijan followed by a MOR rock group from Georgia who seemingly still think its 1988 and they are U2, then it starts to descend into chaos as the smoke machines go into overdrive and you get a Khazakstani trio who have somehow fused traditional Khazak throat singing folk with thrash metal and have their octogenarian grandparents on stage with them in traditional dress playing recorders and the triangle

After what seems a lifetime of some of the worst music ever inflicted on human ears it comes down to the voting and the greatest stitch up since Hitler and Stalin worked things out for Poland over a friendly pint.

All the while accompanied by cringing Eurolantic comperes with their cringing Eurolantic accents doing cringing Eurolantic interviews behind the scenes whilst the plucky Brits look glummer and glummer as the night wears on whilst the cheery Bulgars next to them celebrate 3 points from Sweden like they had won the lottery

As the words 'Royaume Uni - nil point' echos around our entries heads as the final straw is reached when a singing Israeli transvestite dustman's tuneful novelty ditty 'Long-a-ling-daga-diga-dong' overtakes them and pushes them into last place..

'Hallo Eurovishion - thish ish Amsterdam cawling'

I cant wait......

As far as the rules go, it's a website not a democracy - Hambo 3/6/2014