THE FINAL INSPECTION...

The soldier stood and faced God,
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.

'Step forward now, you soldier,
How shall I deal with you ?
Have you always turned the other cheek ?
To My Church have you been true?'

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
'No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.

'Step forward now, you soldier,
You've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell.'

Author Unknown~

Attachment: soldier.png (109.96Kb)

LOL!!!

Sorry, didn't read it, but I assume it was as funny as your other posts?

If punk ever happened I'd be preaching the law, instead of listenin to Lydon lecture BBC4

And, - on a lighter note:-

The Student Pilot...

This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just her pilot-tutor.

Suddenly he has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day:

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead... And I don't know how to fly yet. Help me! Please help me!"

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is ATC. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine!
Now first, give me your current height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"OK," says the friendly voice from the tower. "Repeat after me:
Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . ."

I went to see Reginald D Hunter at the Fairfield Halls last night; a very funny man, as he said at the start of his set, not the cuddly guy you see on TV pannel shows.

Anyway, one bit of the show that I recall was when he was in Glasgow and he went outside the theatre for a smoke accompanied by a local who worked backstage. They noticed two attractive women getting out of a cab nearby and the jock said "come on Reg, let's go and chat them up" and Reg said "I'm a horny guy, nothing wrong with that, it's perfectly normal, but I'm not sexually frustrated, I won't chase after any female who happens to pass by. Women notice that sort of thing and while they find horny attractive, they don't go for the sexually frustrated.".

So the jock said "How do you appear horny rather than sexually frustrated?" Reg replied "Well, there's two ways. The first takes a long time and involves a lot of meditation and self control. The second way is a lot quicker, and involves two spliffs and a w*** before you go out"

I used to be immortal

I just noticed too and was wondering the same thing. Just one cr*p joke too many perhaps? And will St Patrick meet the same fate?

Edited by Seth (23 Nov 2011 11.49am)

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