Genius!

Classic !

Now roll on the replay in Skidrow on Sea - then they can "celebrate" their new shoebox by crying into their shandy after we slaughter them!

BOUNCE !

“The Rabbit has a charming face;
It’s private life is a disgrace.
I really dare not name to you -
the awful things that rabbits do.
They have such lost, degraded souls,
No wonder they inhabit holes” - Anon

I love you dowie 101! Keep up the good work.

Crystal Palace - dull it's not!

dowie101 asked me to pass this on to the fine people of the Holmesdale.net message board, as he's off hosting mediation talks between Mark McGhee and Leon Knight.

Sorry for the delay. Please don't shoot, I'm just a Gooner.

31/10/05
Hallowe'en brought spooky goings on to Brighton's training ground today, with many players turning up in costume.

"It's all great fun, and shows what team spirit the lads have got," said McGhee, adjusting his Harry Potter glasses. "I think Turienzo's taking it a bit far with his zombie impression though. Does he have to act like a shambling corpse all through training?" When told about McGhee's comments later, Turienzo could only reply: "But I didn't come in costume."

01/11/05
Brighton's sizzling form continued today with a 1-1 home draw against Wolves. Several fans missed the game, having travelled to the Falmer stadium site in confusion. "It's so exciting," said 73-year-old fan Gerald Breaker. "We're looking good for the play-offs, England host the World Cup this summer, and here we are at the new stadium. It's a bit more minimal than I was expecting, but I don't mind standing. Will the Queen be here?"

Surprisingly, midfielder Charlie Oatway also made the same mistake. "I've been getting a lift to home games with Gerald since my MOT ran out. I thought it was a bit weird, but Gerald normally knows best. So, are you saying the stadium's not ready yet?"

02/11/05
Reports today suggested that McGhee and Leon Knight have fallen out, following McGhee's substitution of Knight during last night's match against Wolves. Door-stepped at his home by a reporter from The Naughty Seagulls, Knight responded to the rumours.

"It's well out of order! How am I meant to score if I'm not on the pitch for the last thirteen minutes? That's when it goes DOWN, you get me? I know this, I understand football. McGhee was never a striker, he ain't got a clue, he's not on my level, man. I'm like a artist. I have to wait for the inspiration to hit me, sometimes for ages, then BOOM. You get me? McGhee's just a big walking ego, man, he can't deal with someone playing like Pele, like I do."

Knight was subsequently heard on the phone to his agent, demanding to know why Arsene Wenger hadn't called back.

03/11/05
McGhee today took the squad kite-flying on Brighton beach, as a training and team-building exercise. "Think of this kite as you," said McGhee, struggling with the strings. "If you keep aware of your surroundings, and wait for the wind to blow in - no, Maureen, hold it straight - wait for the wind to blow in the right direction, there's no limit to how high you can fly. Except for the length of the strings, obviously. No, Maureen, into the wind."

The session had to be abandoned shortly afterwards, as McGhee's kite strings became tangled in Alexandre Frutos' hair.

04/11/05
On-loan goalkeeper Alan Blayney spoke today of his excitement at a chance in the first team. "I really feel at home on the pitch at Brighton. That's probably because they can't actually afford to pay me at the moment, so I've been sleeping in the park, but if I can just put in a good performance tomorrow, maybe things will start to turn around. And to be honest, with Brighton's back four in front of me, what have I got to fear?"

05/11/05
Brighton announced their first team without absent squad member Leon Knight. "Leon needs to learn how to behave like a professional," said McGhee. "Until he does, Brighton can get on perfectly well without him."

McGhee's words did not quite hold true in the match, as Brighton slumped to a 3-0 away defeat to put them back in the relegation zone. "I don't think Leon's absence made a difference," said McGhee after the match. "On a completely unrelated issue, you haven't got his agent's number, have you?"

Meanwhile, Leon Knight was seen in Brighton's Burger King, morosely chewing on a Whopper with cheese, staring wistfully at Final Score playing on the TV screens in Dixon's.

06/11/05
McGhee held a fireworks display at his house tonight for the squad. Rebel striker Leon Knight was not invited, splitting the squad into pro- and anti-Knight camps. The anti-Knight players helped McGhee build a Guy with a number 7 shirt, whilst at Leon's house, Freddie Turienzo turned up to support the isolated Knight.

"I am not being understand the English of Leon very goodly," said Turienzo, "But I think he say I play in team if I come his house this night, yes?" Girlfriend Tamatha Pebbles assured Knight that McGhee was being short-sighted. "Any club in the world would want my Little Leo playing for them," she said. "If he's going to be like this we might move to Spain like the Beckhams. I always fancied living in Rome."

So busy with the dizzy heights of being a popular author you have to get someone else to post your writing now???

What's next an entourage and outrageous demands, from now on I'll ensure the beer in the holmesdale is chilled to 15'C and served in crystal pilsner glasses....

Leaving the toilet seat up? Surely his job discription says he needs to keep it warm for you.

Is his password Sean's Bitch?