What do you call a judge with no thumbs? Justice Fingers.

Man Utd's excuse for Saturday

A blind man with no arms & only one leg is waiting at the bus stop. The conductor says "Aye aye, you look 'armless, hop on"

That's just the ramblings of a madman

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two
visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing
'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 49.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't
resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
Oh no,' I replied... 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing
golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of s*x?'
'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even
give a sh!t?

Whats the difference between a " lady of the night " and a Cadburys cream egg?

It only cost 44p to lick out a cream egg

Knock knock

whos there

Scott

Scott who

Scott f**k all to do with you

Soar with the eagles or scratch with the chickens

two cannibals eating some charlton fans, one turns to the other and says; "i tell you what, these go down easy dont they?"!!