This page is no longer updated, and is the old forum. For new topics visit the New HOL forum.
Anyone else got a Fcukwit mate?
Register | Edit Profile | Subscriptions | Forum Rules | Log In
| Hoof Hearted 05 Oct 16 3.25pm | |
|---|---|
|
I have a circle of friends... ex work colleagues that played footy together and kept in touch after 30+ years. One of them, Keef, works for EE as a programmer/systems analyst/tester for new products. He works with another mate Mike and the other day we went out for a curry and he told us the story of a new product launch of a "Pet Finder" that Keef was put in charge of and it had got to testing stage, and Keef asked Mike if he could test it on his dog. Both live in Bristol. So Mike took the device home and put it on his dog and told his wife to take the dog out for a walk about 10am. Keef and Mike were monitoring his movements on a laptop. They could see the target on a map, but didn't recognise where it was so zoomed out to check the location.... still no clearer.... when it was fully zoomed out they could see that the device was showing the dog was in Shanghai in China! We all p1ssed ourselves laughing at Keef who just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. Bless him, he does give us all entertainment even if he doesn't mean to. Mike then went on to tell us about conference calls he makes where Keef interrupts loudly calling him a poof or something, not realising he is on the conference call.... LOL
|
|
 Alert a moderator to this post |
 |
nickgusset  Shizzlehurst 05 Oct 16 3.45pm |
|
|---|---|
|
Only you
|
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
 Superfly The sun always shines in Catford 05 Oct 16 3.48pm |
  |
|---|---|
|
I've a feeling I've told these before but here's a few snippets from my mate Fruity -------------------------- Me & Balds were in our front room watching a helicopter landing over the road. Fruity walks in when it's literally a couple of feet off the ground. Balds: Look Fruit, a helecopetor -------------------------- Steve: Oi, Fruity, I think I left my motorbike gloves at your house. Have you seen them? -------------------------- Me: I fancy renting a film for us to watch. Can I borrow your Blockbusters card?
Lend me a Tenor 31 May to 3 June 2017 John McIntosh Arts Centre with Superfly in the chorus |
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
 |
| Part Time James 05 Oct 16 3.49pm |
|
|---|---|
|
We have a total f*ckwit at work. He walks around with cups of tea held on its side so about 50% of the tea is on the floor by the time he gets to his desk. He also says weird stuff. We had a new girl in the office. On her third day he appeared behind her and said "Quick question, what is your favourite vegetable?" being polite she said "cabbage I guess". He went "Oooo, so close, I wrote down cauliflower, same first letter though". Then he sat back down. I don't know why he does any of the stuff he does.
|
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
| Part Time James 05 Oct 16 3.50pm |
|
|---|---|
|
Originally posted by Superfly
I've a feeling I've told these before but here's a few snippets from my mate Fruity -------------------------- Me & Balds were in our front room watching a helicopter landing over the road. Fruity walks in when it's literally a couple of feet off the ground. Balds: Look Fruit, a helecopetor -------------------------- Steve: Oi, Fruity, I think I left my motorbike gloves at your house. Have you seen them? -------------------------- Me: I fancy renting a film for us to watch. Can I borrow your Blockbusters card? I want to hear more about Fruity!
|
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
| nickgusset Shizzlehurst 05 Oct 16 3.52pm |
|
|---|---|
|
Dave Lilly 'you three look like twins'
|
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
| rednblueblood 05 Oct 16 3.59pm |
|
|---|---|
|
Conversation I had with an apprentice at work last year:
In dog beers I’ve only had one. |
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
| richard shaw (og)65 my minds eye 05 Oct 16 4.47pm |
|
|---|---|
|
a fella I know was on gardening leave for 3 months so I said to him he replies " yeah , it looks like a protractor " I reply " hahahahaha , I think you mean a compass !! youre getting your technical drawing tools mixed up mate "
interviewer " iggy , do you think you influenced anybody?" |
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
| Hoof Hearted 06 Oct 16 10.17am | |
|---|---|
|
Originally posted by nickgusset
Only you I'll give you that one..... Update on Keef.... he's been at it again on the conference calls at EE. They booked a room for the Bristol participants to chat with other Depts and everyone in the room was wearing a mike. Halfway through the meeting Keef gets up and goes to the toilet still miked up. After he had finished his business he flushed the bog and started whistling which everyone else in EE UK could hear. My other mate Mike just did one of these...
|
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
Littlebogreek  06 Oct 16 10.30am |
|
|---|---|
|
Went on holiday with mates and our birds when we were 18 and we were walking out to dinner early evening - below exchange is pretty much word for word Mate 1: Stops suddenly and looks shocked "what the f*ck is that???" Mate 2: "that would be the moon" Mate 1: "well if thats the moon, what the f*ck is that???" Mate 2: "that would be the sun" Mate 1: "huh? how can that be...." After much coaxing, turns out he thought the sun turned round at night and became the moon. He was private school educated too.
|
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
| richard shaw (og)65 my minds eye 06 Oct 16 1.25pm |
|
|---|---|
|
Originally posted by Littlebogreek
Went on holiday with mates and our birds when we were 18 and we were walking out to dinner early evening - below exchange is pretty much word for word Mate 1: Stops suddenly and looks shocked "what the f*ck is that???" Mate 2: "that would be the moon" Mate 1: "well if thats the moon, what the f*ck is that???" Mate 2: "that would be the sun" Mate 1: "huh? how can that be...." After much coaxing, turns out he thought the sun turned round at night and became the moon. He was private school educated too. hahaha , kin ell , that is brilliant , hahaha . what the feck did he think of the moon landings then Edited by richard shaw (og)65 (06 Oct 2016 1.26pm)
interviewer " iggy , do you think you influenced anybody?" |
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
| Littlebogreek 06 Oct 16 1.53pm |
|
|---|---|
|
Originally posted by richard shaw (og)65
hahaha , kin ell , that is brilliant , hahaha . what the feck did he think of the moon landings then Edited by richard shaw (og)65 (06 Oct 2016 1.26pm) In hindsight, I wish I'd asked him that! The crazy thing is, he's actually a really smart guy. Just goes to show, they are only easy if you them!
|
|
| Alert a moderator to this post |
|
Login / RegisterNew users
Registration is now on our new message board
Existing users
To login with your existing username you will need to convert your account over to the new message board.
Sponsors
All images and text on this site are copyright © 1999-2024 The Holmesdale Online, unless otherwise stated.
Web Design by Guntrisoft Ltd.