I didn't get 2 a*s in English at GCSE and an A in English lit at A level for nothing James. X

She gave Fat sam a knowing wink and beconed him inside . Pushing him to the sofa with some urgency she began to undo his belt slipping her hand inside his boxer shorts.
'Christ' she exclaimed looking startled. 'Is that it?'

Closer examination revealed him to bear resemblence to a button mushroom. Such was the size of him it conjured images of jabba the hut crossed with a bull dog. He wasn't going to satisfy her physically or emotionally.

Then she remembered Alan in the basement. There was something exciting about having a living legend trapped in her cellar.

Super Al , Super Al. She began to moan as she Creeped down the cellar stairs. She was getting wetter with every step she took towards him and drank in his intoxicating aroma of success, power, lynx Africa and Emek kebab. This was going to be messy she thought as she straddled him.

'Oh Super Al, you sexy silver Fox. I will f*** you senseless.. You just lay back and think of England.'

Oh I am Alice, I already am

Good story James, but I can't help but think it would have been better as a threesome with Bob the Builder and Postman Pat spitroasting Mrs Goggins?

It's all about your imagination James. At least it wasn't lolita you were reading. Our a level text was Hamlet.. oedipus complex here there and everywhere !

THere's more....

Once again the doorbell rang as Alice was about to climax.

"Who the fcuk is that now? she exclaimed, and shuffled to the door with her HOL themed knickers draped round one ankle....

"Hello love... any chance of a sly shag?"

Alice recognised that huge nose, false teeth and gormless smile.... "Colin.... I mean Neil, I thought you were just a w*nker?"

"Oh no love, I can score in a brothel and hit a cow's arse with my banjo!"

"You smooth talking barsteward Neil, come in and join in the fun!" said Alice.....