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Anyone else got a Fcukwit mate?
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 Michaelawt85  Bexley 09 Oct 16 9.42am |
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Not so much a f***wit mate but a member of extended family who is. Everything is high drama, heavily embellished or just out an out exaggeration / bollocks. Some examples include Her father allegedly having full blown food poisoning from a ferrero rocher!! That she had norovirus when her daughter was a new born (I was there visiting at the time and there was f all wrong with her) Multiple visits to hospital over f all which of course always get posted on Facebook Trying to suggest we paid for our son to have something to eat at her wedding reception Being given a large sum of money by my husband as a wedding present , which they used to go on honeymoon, and then came home and slated how 's***' the holiday was to us! I could go on and on. Put it this way if her mouth is moving , bulls*** is usually spewing
When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC |
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| becky over the moon 09 Oct 16 2.32pm |
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Originally posted by Part Time James
I think I might actually be the f*ckwit. One Monday morning I woke up to find a lump on my right nipple. It was hard and not dissimilar to the description I had found for lumps relating to cancer. Knowing that it was actually possible for men to get breast cancer I instantly became worried, despite usually being the sort of person to shrug off most ailments. I phoned the doctor and made an emergency appointment and then called work to say that I'd be late in. (In hindsight the following story should actually make me feel very guilty for wasting the time of the NHS). I went in and talked to a kind doctor who re-assured me and said that it didn't feel like the big C and was more likely caused by a trauma to the nipple. As I walked back home to get ready for work I remembered that on the previous Friday at work, to impress one of the girls in the office, I had attached a (not powered) jump lead to my nipple and we all timed how long I could keep it on there before the pain became so bad I could no longer tolerate it. .....and according to reports just coming in, the Pope went to church this morning ......
A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers |
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 Part Time James 09 Oct 16 7.09pm |
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Originally posted by becky
.....and according to reports just coming in, the Pope went to church this morning ...... I thought the pope died ages ago?
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| doi209 Fighting for the weak and innocent... 09 Oct 16 7.12pm |
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Originally posted by Part Time James
I thought the pope died ages ago? pope ye died ages ago
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| bubble wrap Carparks in South East London 11 Oct 16 1.54pm |
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Originally posted by Willo
Used to know someone who used to collect 'Pig' memorabilia. Even had a silver pig hanging from his neck chain.Evidently he had a room in his house dedicated to pigs and he sometimes used to grunt like a pig ! Think your telling porkies Willo
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| Thegamesafoot Somewhere but Nowhere 15 Oct 16 12.10am |
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One night when in the pub, a good drinking mate was quiet and drinking slow. He said he was trying to think of something to say to a girl he really liked. Just because he was drinking uncharacteristicllay slow he thought he'd pay her a compliment, so went up to her and said. "You put me off my beer".
It's good to keep an opened mind, but not so open that your brains fall out. |
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| Flightsequence 21 Oct 16 7.37am |
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A little off topic, but as above. Many years ago, I went in to Flatfoot Sams in Beckenham with a friend for a drink and there were a bunch of girls, a bit noisy, who were having a good time in another corner. The girl who was the centre of attention and very mouthy, came over giving it large in front of her mates, points to her t*ts and says, you had a good look at these when you came in, and I thought you might want a picture, said in an aggressive manner. (I swear the only attraction was the noise and definitely not what she was thinking). Obviously showing off in front of her mates. I proceeded to get my imaginary camera out and said, "If you stand still with those, I'll be able to get those lovely shoes in the picture at the same time" The saggy joke was lost on her, as she was a f*ckwit, but her friends had a good laugh at her expense. Don't you just hate mouthy girl who love themselves!! As she turned tail and fled, I had a good look at her fantastic ar*e though. I guess that makes me a bottom fan not boobs in another thread. Edited by Flightsequence (21 Oct 2016 7.40am)
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| Part Time James 21 Oct 16 9.14am |
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Originally posted by Flightsequence
A little off topic, but as above. Many years ago, I went in to Flatfoot Sams in Beckenham with a friend for a drink and there were a bunch of girls, a bit noisy, who were having a good time in another corner. The girl who was the centre of attention and very mouthy, came over giving it large in front of her mates, points to her t*ts and says, you had a good look at these when you came in, and I thought you might want a picture, said in an aggressive manner. (I swear the only attraction was the noise and definitely not what she was thinking). Obviously showing off in front of her mates. I proceeded to get my imaginary camera out and said, "If you stand still with those, I'll be able to get those lovely shoes in the picture at the same time" The saggy joke was lost on her, as she was a f*ckwit, but her friends had a good laugh at her expense. Don't you just hate mouthy girl who love themselves!! As she turned tail and fled, I had a good look at her fantastic ar*e though. I guess that makes me a bottom fan not boobs in another thread. Edited by Flightsequence (21 Oct 2016 7.40am) Just to clarify, you didn't get any actual pictures did you? Ideally in a JPG format.
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| Michaelawt85 Bexley 21 Oct 16 10.49am |
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Originally posted by Part Time James
Just to clarify, you didn't get any actual pictures did you? Ideally in a JPG format. Just leave your wife's email address and I am sure he will be happy to forward them to you via her :-)
When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC |
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| Part Time James 21 Oct 16 10.52am |
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Originally posted by Michaelawt85
Just leave your wife's email address and I am sure he will be happy to forward them to you via her :-) Well that's me told!
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| Michaelawt85 Bexley 21 Oct 16 10.53am |
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Originally posted by Part Time James
Well that's me told! Nothing more satisfying than a slapping down of a wayward male at 10.53 on a Friday morning
When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC |
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| Part Time James 21 Oct 16 10.55am |
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Originally posted by Michaelawt85
Nothing more satisfying than a slapping down of a wayward male at 10.53 on a Friday morning Thank you, I do need an occasional reality check. On the plus side, my pervy banter on here is merely to fit in with other Palace fans. If I was on a Newcastle forum I'd do the same, only the subject of my desire would be my own mum.
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