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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 26 Dec 14 11.57am Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

Don't like to admit it, but the misses reckons I've got Bill Withers syndrome!

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know she's right!

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 28 Dec 14 6.09pm Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

I saw my mate shaking an almost empty box of Swan Vestas against his ear.
I asked him 'what are you doing?'
'Shhhh, I'm listening to the match!'

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 28 Dec 14 6.36pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

I caved in & bought the wife a pug dog for christmas!

Despite the squashed nose
the bulging eyes & the rolls of fat,
the dog seems to like her

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 28 Dec 14 6.38pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

Bad news.

I was devastated to find out last night
that I lost a good mate to heartburn.

Still can't believe Gav is gone

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 29 Dec 14 3.11pm Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realise it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said.. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend...

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." Said Bob..

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out,'I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.'

'Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 30 Dec 14 4.50pm Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

I asked my mate what he was up too. He answered -
"It's my birthday,Im going to play tennis!"
"Oh!" I replied
"Many happy returns!"

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 30 Dec 14 9.59pm Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

Police are looking for a man who has been stealing shirts in size order.

Apparently he's still at Large

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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rednblueblood 02 Jan 15 8.02am Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

In a statement released today, Miranda Hart has"with great sadness" decided to take yet another year away from comedy.

 


In dog beers I’ve only had one.

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Hoof Hearted 02 Jan 15 10.44am

Bilbo woke up one morning to discover they had built a large Tesco's next to his house.

It was an unexpected item in the baggins area!

 

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sniffer dagenham Flag The narm, Dagennarm 03 Jan 15 12.42pm Send a Private Message to sniffer dagenham Add sniffer dagenham as a friend

See an advert for a brand new 50 inch plasma tele £1 has a fault its stuck on full volume.

I thought I can't turn that down

 

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Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 03 Jan 15 12.46pm Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

So apparently Steven Gerrard is writing a book on his career at Liverpool, still no title yet though

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 03 Jan 15 8.23pm Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

When I was young I baked an apple tart. I took it to Charlton, Brighton and Millwall.

All because my teacher said make sure you take pie to 3 dismal places!

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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