Nope, still don't get it!

Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

Adopt a Noorrn Irrrnn accent and all becomes clear...

"He’s a footballer who wants to play football, which obviously helps" – Tony Pulis

...ish

Give a man a fsh and you'll get a better trade in price for your motor.

(Yes I admit that was my own joke again like the Ian Paisley joke)

What's the one thing an Essex girl hates most about her bedroom?

The parking tickets.

In dog beers I’ve only had one.

Rob Auton - "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa."

Alex Horne - "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

Alfie Moore - "I'm in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same."

Tim Vine - "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'."

Gary Delaney - "I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell."

Phil Wang - "The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men."

Marcus Brigstocke - "You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost."

Liam Williams - "The universe implodes. No matter."

Bobby Mair - "I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance."

Chris Coltrane - "The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately."

Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!