When did you realise that the roles had reversed?

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When did you realise that the roles had reversed?

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matt_himself Matataland 05 Feb 16 8.29pm
Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need. At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird. "That was fun and to round off the day, I am off to steal a charity collection box and then desecrate a place of worship.” - Smokey, The Selhurst Arms, 26/02/02
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matt_himself

Matataland 05 Feb 16 8.29pm

Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need.

At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird.

"That was fun and to round off the day, I am off to steal a charity collection box and then desecrate a place of worship.” - Smokey, The Selhurst Arms, 26/02/02

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-always-an-eagle- Hampshire 05 Feb 16 9.06pm
I guess the roles between parent and child change for all of us to some extent. Obviously for yourself or anyone else with a sick parent the roles will change more dramatically and quickly. But without even noticing or consciously doing so roles will gradually change. Suddenly us "kids" are hosting Christmas or doing our parents gardens for them. Just little things, but we are now the "Adults" I wish you all the best of luck through this tricky time. Theres Only One Darren Pitcher
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-always-an-eagle-

Hampshire 05 Feb 16 9.06pm

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I guess the roles between parent and child change for all of us to some extent. Obviously for yourself or anyone else with a sick parent the roles will change more dramatically and quickly.
But without even noticing or consciously doing so roles will gradually change.
Suddenly us "kids" are hosting Christmas or doing our parents gardens for them. Just little things, but we are now the "Adults"
I wish you all the best of luck through this tricky time.

Theres Only One Darren Pitcher

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Kermit8 Hevon 05 Feb 16 9.11pm
Originally posted by matt_himself Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need. At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird. Nicely put, Matt. Although not quite as demanding I understand what you are saying entirely. My mum has loved me for many, many decades and it is only fair that i look after her for 10 or maybe 15 years to say 'thank you'. Big chest and massive boobs [Link]
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Kermit8

Hevon 05 Feb 16 9.11pm

Originally posted by matt_himself

At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird.

Nicely put, Matt. Although not quite as demanding I understand what you are saying entirely.

My mum has loved me for many, many decades and it is only fair that i look after her for 10 or maybe 15 years to say 'thank you'.

Big chest and massive boobs

[Link]

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-TUX- Alphabettispaghetti 05 Feb 16 9.19pm
Originally posted by matt_himself Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need. At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird. This is far from a personal 'attack' but why move mum from her family home in her later years? I'm guessing she's earnt the right to be there and the onus is on her offspring to make it so. Life existed long before 'purpose built flats'. Time to move forward together.
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-TUX-

Alphabettispaghetti 05 Feb 16 9.19pm

Originally posted by matt_himself

Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need.

At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird.

This is far from a personal 'attack' but why move mum from her family home in her later years? I'm guessing she's earnt the right to be there and the onus is on her offspring to make it so.
Life existed long before 'purpose built flats'.

Time to move forward together.

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Vaibow vancouver/croydon 05 Feb 16 10.14pm
Originally posted by matt_himself Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need. At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird. My respect goes to you mate, it's tough, you seem strong and full credit to you and your family. I know a guy, his mum is the same, his father is the main caregiver now. My wife's nan, she is 73 and deteriorating fast, so naturally, my mother in law is caring for her, best she can. Fortunately, i'm not in that situation and i hope i don't really have too, for their sake you know, but if i can make a light joke, when palace lose, i'm pretty hard to look after a round the house that day. Keep it up man This was once a quality forum....
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Vaibow

vancouver/croydon 05 Feb 16 10.14pm

Originally posted by matt_himself

At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird.

My respect goes to you mate, it's tough, you seem strong and full credit to you and your family.

I know a guy, his mum is the same, his father is the main caregiver now.

My wife's nan, she is 73 and deteriorating fast, so naturally, my mother in law is caring for her, best she can.

Fortunately, i'm not in that situation and i hope i don't really have too, for their sake you know, but if i can make a light joke, when palace lose, i'm pretty hard to look after a round the house that day.

Keep it up man

This was once a quality forum....

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Vaibow vancouver/croydon 05 Feb 16 10.16pm
Originally posted by -TUX- This is far from a personal 'attack' but why move mum from her family home in her later years? I'm guessing she's earnt the right to be there and the onus is on her offspring to make it so. Life existed long before 'purpose built flats'. Maybe the house she lives in has stairs, isn't fully equipped for her, split over levels, maybe it's pout in middle of no where and the cost of living with such a condition may be expensive. I'm pretty sure the OP has done all his research and caring for her in the best possible way. This was once a quality forum....
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Vaibow

vancouver/croydon 05 Feb 16 10.16pm

Originally posted by -TUX-

Maybe the house she lives in has stairs, isn't fully equipped for her, split over levels, maybe it's pout in middle of no where and the cost of living with such a condition may be expensive. I'm pretty sure the OP has done all his research and caring for her in the best possible way.

This was once a quality forum....

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Pikester Worthing 05 Feb 16 10.21pm
Originally posted by -TUX- This is far from a personal 'attack' but why move mum from her family home in her later years? I'm guessing she's earnt the right to be there and the onus is on her offspring to make it so. Life existed long before 'purpose built flats'. Might not be a personal attack - but a tad insensitive. Matt hasn't said he's forcibly removing his mother - just said she has a disease and he's moving her somewhere more suitable. Nor does he say he's abandoning her in a purpose built flat. Yes in the past a lot of people took in their parents or they stayed in their big old impracticable house and made do. I think the right thing to do here is comment on what the poster has asked rather than start digging away at his morals when he probably already feels a bit s***ty... ? You fed me, you bred me, I'll remember your name.
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Pikester

Worthing 05 Feb 16 10.21pm

Originally posted by -TUX-

Might not be a personal attack - but a tad insensitive. Matt hasn't said he's forcibly removing his mother - just said she has a disease and he's moving her somewhere more suitable.

Nor does he say he's abandoning her in a purpose built flat. Yes in the past a lot of people took in their parents or they stayed in their big old impracticable house and made do.

I think the right thing to do here is comment on what the poster has asked rather than start digging away at his morals when he probably already feels a bit s***ty... ?

You fed me, you bred me, I'll remember your name.

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crystal balls The Garden of Earthly Delights 05 Feb 16 11.09pm
Originally posted by matt_himself Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need. At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird. It is very natural, given that parents are living longer now in comparison to even 50 years ago. people generally used to pass away in their 50s or 60s, now they're potentially living to 100 in some cases, but either physically or mentally deteriorating. A decent son or daughter steps in, but thats not always the case. It is weird at first, but many of us have had to take over. My parents are now dead, but I hope you have time to make connections with your parents that will be lost if you don't do it now! You can't post regrets once they've gone. I used to be immortal
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crystal balls

The Garden of Earthly Delights 05 Feb 16 11.09pm

Originally posted by matt_himself

At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird.

It is very natural, given that parents are living longer now in comparison to even 50 years ago. people generally used to pass away in their 50s or 60s, now they're potentially living to 100 in some cases, but either physically or mentally deteriorating. A decent son or daughter steps in, but thats not always the case.

It is weird at first, but many of us have had to take over. My parents are now dead, but I hope you have time to make connections with your parents that will be lost if you don't do it now! You can't post regrets once they've gone.

I used to be immortal

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becky over the moon 06 Feb 16 10.02am
Originally posted by matt_himself Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need. At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird. It is a strange thing, matt, as I found out with my mother many years ago. Although for a different medical reason, the pattern was the same as you are now experiencing, but, never take that 'parenting' for granted - she may well surprise you now and again, as mine did and put you firmly back in your place as the 'child' that she still sees you as. In the last 3 months of her life, when Mum really wanted to die and be free of the pain that plagued her day and night, the relationship changed again and we shared the most amazing closeness and openness with each other, so that when her time came, I was able to let her go without regrets, comforted by the memories of all that we had shared. It was hard caring for her for over 15 years, and I freely admit that there were times when I resented the increasing amount of time it took out of my life, but at the end I wouldn't have had it any other way. Good luck with the journey ahead. A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers
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becky

over the moon 06 Feb 16 10.02am

Originally posted by matt_himself

At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird.

It is a strange thing, matt, as I found out with my mother many years ago. Although for a different medical reason, the pattern was the same as you are now experiencing, but, never take that 'parenting' for granted - she may well surprise you now and again, as mine did and put you firmly back in your place as the 'child' that she still sees you as.

In the last 3 months of her life, when Mum really wanted to die and be free of the pain that plagued her day and night, the relationship changed again and we shared the most amazing closeness and openness with each other, so that when her time came, I was able to let her go without regrets, comforted by the memories of all that we had shared.

It was hard caring for her for over 15 years, and I freely admit that there were times when I resented the increasing amount of time it took out of my life, but at the end I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Good luck with the journey ahead.

A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers

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Hoof Hearted 06 Feb 16 12.33pm
Matt - how old is your mother, how long has she had Parkinsons, and what is she like now? I say this out of my own concern.... I was diagnosed with Parkinsons roughly 2 years ago and have already noticed a marked deterioration.... I will be 62 this June. I am scared of the future - I really am. I have many of the usual symptoms already like difficulty swallowing food, balance, my right arm is effectively useless and I get pins/needles and cramp constantly in my legs. I have already given up thinking about watching Palace live and I'm just a prisoner in my own home mostly. My wife does her level best to help me, and thank heavens she does. The rest of my family live over 100 miles away. I hope things go well for your mum and her illness and I'm sure she's grateful for your help and control of her situation. my major worry is that my wife fails to cope or falls ill herself as we have no sons or daughters to call upon if things go bad.
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Hoof Hearted 06 Feb 16 12.33pm

Matt - how old is your mother, how long has she had Parkinsons, and what is she like now?

I say this out of my own concern.... I was diagnosed with Parkinsons roughly 2 years ago and have already noticed a marked deterioration.... I will be 62 this June.

I am scared of the future - I really am. I have many of the usual symptoms already like difficulty swallowing food, balance, my right arm is effectively useless and I get pins/needles and cramp constantly in my legs.

I have already given up thinking about watching Palace live and I'm just a prisoner in my own home mostly.

My wife does her level best to help me, and thank heavens she does. The rest of my family live over 100 miles away.

I hope things go well for your mum and her illness and I'm sure she's grateful for your help and control of her situation.

my major worry is that my wife fails to cope or falls ill herself as we have no sons or daughters to call upon if things go bad.

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Cucking Funt Clapham on the Back 06 Feb 16 12.36pm
Originally posted by matt_himself Over the course of the past few months, my Mothers Parkinson's has got considerably worse. As a result, I am now the parent. I am ensuring that they are moving out of the family home, have a flat that is fit for purpose and have the care they need. At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird. Fortunately something I never had to face as my mother died relatively young and suddenly and my sister lived only a couple of doors away from my father and was thus able to keep tabs on him right to the end. I can imagine how weird and almost surreal the experience must be but you are, without doubt, doing the right and decent thing. So many children do not. You are to be commended. Wife beating may be socially acceptable in Sheffield, but it is a different matter in Cheltenham
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Cucking Funt

Clapham on the Back 06 Feb 16 12.36pm

Originally posted by matt_himself

At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed? To me, and looking back at it, the 'change' is very natural, albeit, weird.

Fortunately something I never had to face as my mother died relatively young and suddenly and my sister lived only a couple of doors away from my father and was thus able to keep tabs on him right to the end.

I can imagine how weird and almost surreal the experience must be but you are, without doubt, doing the right and decent thing. So many children do not.

You are to be commended.

Wife beating may be socially acceptable in Sheffield, but it is a different matter in Cheltenham

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-TUX- Alphabettispaghetti 06 Feb 16 6.11pm
Originally posted by Pikester Might not be a personal attack - but a tad insensitive. Matt hasn't said he's forcibly removing his mother - just said she has a disease and he's moving her somewhere more suitable. Nor does he say he's abandoning her in a purpose built flat. Yes in the past a lot of people took in their parents or they stayed in their big old impracticable house and made do. I think the right thing to do here is comment on what the poster has asked rather than start digging away at his morals when he probably already feels a bit sty... ?* The only question asked in the post was 'At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed?'. As far as i'm aware, no-one has yet answered that particular question, ourselves included. My post purely asked the question of why send mum 'away' when being at home and being cared for by a loving family is obviously better is it not? Our 'olds' are always going to need help in later years. It's natural. Of course i feel sorry for Matt (as i do anyone in his situation) but we all know it's going to happen one day so why do so many not plan for this? The family unit has been ever-so slowly destroyed over the past 3-4 decades for some reason. For many many centuries, the young take the place of the old and the cycle continued happily. But now? We generally palm off the people we love into someone else's hands. That's just wrong. I'm not being 'sh-tty', that's just your opinion. Todays 'throw away culture' extends further than many seem to think. That's just my opinion. Time to move forward together.
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-TUX-

Alphabettispaghetti 06 Feb 16 6.11pm

Originally posted by Pikester

Might not be a personal attack - but a tad insensitive. Matt hasn't said he's forcibly removing his mother - just said she has a disease and he's moving her somewhere more suitable.

Nor does he say he's abandoning her in a purpose built flat. Yes in the past a lot of people took in their parents or they stayed in their big old impracticable house and made do.

I think the right thing to do here is comment on what the poster has asked rather than start digging away at his morals when he probably already feels a bit s***ty... ?

The only question asked in the post was 'At what point did you realise that the roles has reversed?'. As far as i'm aware, no-one has yet answered that particular question, ourselves included.
My post purely asked the question of why send mum 'away' when being at home and being cared for by a loving family is obviously better is it not? Our 'olds' are always going to need help in later years. It's natural.
Of course i feel sorry for Matt (as i do anyone in his situation) but we all know it's going to happen one day so why do so many not plan for this?
The family unit has been ever-so slowly destroyed over the past 3-4 decades for some reason. For many many centuries, the young take the place of the old and the cycle continued happily. But now? We generally palm off the people we love into someone else's hands. That's just wrong.

I'm not being 'sh-tty', that's just your opinion. Todays 'throw away culture' extends further than many seem to think. That's just my opinion.

Time to move forward together.

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