Anyone like to string them along when you get a nuisance call.

I try and sell them PPI

Lend me a Tenor

31 May to 3 June 2017

John McIntosh Arts Centre
London Oratory School
SW6 1RX

with Superfly in the chorus
[Link]

I once had a guy ring me speaking ten to the dozen, could barely understand him so I put my phone on the sofa and watched Simpsons with the volume turned right up. I assumed the guy would've given up after a minute of hearing Homer throttling Bart, but he was still there after the whole episode going "hello? helllloooo?"

Recently I've been caught off guard twice by people saying that they have heard I had been in a car accident that wasn't my fault. The best I managed the second time was "I've never even had a driving lesson, so if I crashed a car then it would've entirely been my fault" but that was a bit crap. Got a few new ones to try (not funny, but things I want to say) if they call again.

Firstly, "oh, who told you this and who do you think you are speaking to?" because I am fairly sure all they have is my number, not much else.

Alternatively "Nope, not been in a car crash that I can remember, although I have no memory prior to June this year and I don't know why".

I do that when I am trying to browse in a shop and the shopkeeper asks if I need assistance.

I had a cold caller trying to sell Life Insurance.

Me - Thats lucky you have rung I am trying to arrange some right now.

Caller getting all excited - Good can I take some details.

We went through loads of questions with me making it all up, he then asked my profession to which I replied Bomb disposal expert in Iraq and could he hurry up as I was due to leave in 10 mins. There was a long pause then the bloke said he needed to check with his supervisor phone went quiet and then he said he was unable to help. He just put the phone down.

Also when asked about an Car accident I had had ?? "I started to sob down the phone and thanked them for reminding me that my whole family were killed in the car crash and they had undone 3 months of intense counselling.

But my Grandmother is the best, She once kept a survey company on the line for 40mins discussing what sports she does, she replied sky diving and windsurfing and was hoping to go pot holing latter in the year, in addition to indoor bowls on a Friday (that bit is true) she is 89. just as they were getting to the end of the call she said she had to go as Emmerdale was just starting and put the phone down.

I ride a GS scooter with my hair cut neat
I wear my war time coat in the wind and sleet.

Anerley is correct, but as many are made from outside the UK, this is toothless. Suspicion is that the calls from India are actually on behalf of a UK company, so if you can string them along and find a UK company, then this TPS rule can be used.

When I'm bored, I play along and tell them that there were 6 injured people in my old MR2 which got hit by a drunk driver. Does get very tedious after a while.

Four wheels drives the body - Two wheels drives the soul